I'll admit to you, it's been hard for me to write a reply to your post, because of the way I feel about
animals, but I also know that you are in pain and struggling with withdrawals and perhaps other issues. I would strongly encourage you to speak to your doctor again (naturopath or otherwise) to try to get a handle on your feelings and symptoms. I know you feel very badly about
being mean to your animals, and it seems like your anger is beyond your control right now. That's an awful way to live, and I hate the thought of you suffering like that. I know you've had trouble with psychiatrists being unreliable, but I'm wondering if there is another route to counseling for you, through a community resource, church, etc.. I understand about
the history of abuse and how it affects us in adulthood, and it takes time and help to work through those things. We're all here for you if you need to talk.
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.” ~Pliny the Elder