Thanks Kitt and Karen for your beautiful and heartfelt words, they mean a lot to me. I have not been letting myself cry for some strange reason.. And I don't know why that is.
I know I feel angry at my baby brother's wife as she is a really horrible human being and I did not get to say "goodbye" to my brother because of her. My brother was so doped up on meds that he had no idea what was going on. His wife ran the whole show and we never got along since the day my brother met her. Perhaps she felt threatened that my brother and I were so very close, I have no idea.
I tried to be really friendly with her and not tell my brother what my honest thoughts were as all I ever wanted him to be was happy, and if she was the lady that would make him happy, then I was happy for him. It turned out that she didn't make him happy at all... but that's all in the past now.
So there are so many unresolved issues here. I didn't get that sense of closure before he passed and I wish I did. There was no funeral. His wife had a "gathering" at their apartment and beforehand she told my older brother that I was only allowed to "speak" for 10 minutes or less. I was horrified by her words. I didn't plan on speaking at all, I was too much in shock.
Well, perhaps seeking a counselor is a good idea. I think I have too much anger inside and I was never good at dealing with anger. For some reason anger scares me if that makes any sense at all.
I will be posting... Thanks so much for listening!
It's all about the Immune System mixed with a large dose of Positive Thinking and Daily Detoxing ~ Pay It Forward!!
This song is about my years with chronic lyme since 1995 and being in remission for over 3 years: