Wow, my heart really goes out to you. Living with someone who has a substance abuse problem, whether it is drugs or drinking, is really tough. Something really stood out to me in your post. You said, “It’s amazing how happy I can be when I’m not around my husband and I feel guilty about
it.” If you are feeling happier when he’s not around, HE is the one who should feel guilty. It sounds to me like he is making your life miserable! I hope you don’t mind me being that blunt, but you have been dealing with this for a long time……20 years is no small amount of time, Bionca. You do deserve happiness in your life, and your step-daughter sounds like a smart woman who really cares and wants to help you. At the very least, I would consider taking a vacation to see her, or at least a few days away from him somewhere, in order to clear your head and really think about
your options. That’s my honest opinion. I really hope things get better for you, and I send you lots of wishes for peace of mind, and peace in your heart.
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.” ~Pliny the Elder