I have been depressed since I can remember. To be completely honest, I do not remember what being happy feels like; If I have ever even felt it...
Long story short: I am in my early 20's, Never had a girlfriend. I do not have a close relationship with my family. My father lives in another state, my mother and father got divorced when I was six. He now lives in a trailer park alone. I hate who I am, How I look. I am extremely overweight which prevents me from doing what I want to do. My dream is to be a police officer. I do not see myself doing anything else. I don't want to do anything else... I don't trust any of my friends, And I feel so alone. I lost my religion years ago. I am trying to bring God back into my life but its so difficult for me to put my love and trust into a "God" who allows so much pain and suffering in this world. I look around and see war, death, pain, and hate. I have considered talking to a psychiatrist and/or taking anti-depressants, but doing so will stop a police department from hiring me.
I just want to be happy. Thats all I want. I know my life is not that bad... but at the end of the day I am still depressed and I cannot help it no matter how hard I try! I thought about
the Military, to get me out of here and to get my mind off things here at home. But again, my weight stops me from doing so. I think the main problems is that I do not have a girlfriend. I never have... I feel so alone. It sucks liking a girl who doesn't like you back. I just met this girl, I barely know her, and I can already say I like her. I hate how I fall for girls so easily. I don't know what to do! I don't know if I will find any answers here, I am hoping I can get SOME help here. Its so hard for me to talk to my family or my friends. I always have kept everything bottled up inside, I am hoping that this forum will help release some of my depression.
I would rather there be nothing than to feel so much pain... What is wrong with me?! I am so scared I wont get hired as a police officer. I mean thinking about
it, I wouldn't want a crazy depressed police officer like myself running around out there with all that power. And I can't get help for my depression because then I wont get hired! I need to do something... I need some kinda of help. Someone please help me.
Edit: Sorry for the edit. Please review the rules and guidelines of HW.
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/5/2009 10:38:18 AM (GMT-6)