Hello and welcome to HealingWell. There have been quite a few before you, both male and female, that have had the same issues as you.
I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this rough time.
As the depressed spouse let me give you my perspective on how we feel.
We depressives can be downright frustrating. We see everything in absolute terms, no gray areas. We set high standards for ourselves and when they aren't met, we can't accept it. We lash out at our loved ones. We're too wrapped up in our own pain to nurture our loved ones.
We beat ourselves up endlessly because we think we're ugly, unlovable, lazy, and worthless. I'm writing this as someone who's been on both sides of the fence and can now appreciate the pain of both the depressed and the people who seek to help the depressed.
Here are some suggestions for what you can do to help your wife and yourself.
Educate yourself about depression. Learn about depression, it's symptoms, and treatment.
Put yourself in your wife's shoes. Learn what depression feels like, the misconceptions about mental illness that she must deal with, and get the facts about what depression really is.
Take care of yourself. Feelings of depression are contagious. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.
It's okay to feel upset, angry, frustrated. These feelings are a valid response to a very trying situation.
Coming here and sharing your feelings and reaching out for help was a good thing for you to do.
Consider therapy for yourself as you need someone to understand and to talk to that will help you cope with your wife's depression.
Please keep on talking with us and know we care.
With kindest personal regards,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
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"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind