New and extremely depressed

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/11/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -6)   
This is the only website I could find in my search for someone to talk to. I have a long story but I'll cut it as short as I can.

I recently (about a month ago) broke up with my sons father after 4 off and on again terrible years. I finally had enough and did what I thought was best for my son. I have always struggled with depression and this has completely turned everything upside down. Money is extremely tight and I recently found out he is already seeing someone else. This is nothing new with him nothing I havn't gone through before. But I feel like trash. Like I'm not worth it to anyone. I tried to take my mind off of things by going out and trying to socialize but when I do I just feel alone and depressed because it seems like I woke up one day and I was ugly and unnattractive in every way imaginable. Its killing me that he is with someone already like me and my son meant nothing to him. Yesterday I found out the girl is skinny and pretty and I started crying and couldn't stop even now as I type just thinking about it is making me cry. Every dream I had of being married and having a family is crushed and I just want to scream why is it so darn easy for some people and nothing but bs for others. I'm not even me anymore. I gave up alot of things to be with him and so now I feel like I've been asleep for 4 years and I don't know the world around me. I don't know what to do to be happy again. I just want to be happy for my son. I had a panic attack yesterday and passed out even. I can't afford counseling or medication. I don't have insurance and can't get medicaid. I feel like I'm just living day by day waiting for my life to be over.

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 7/11/2009 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi KM08, and welcome. As I read your post I saw something maybe you're not seeing right now. I saw a strong woman, one who wasn't going to put up w/ crap from a man. You want certain things in your life for you and your son. I know that had to be hard to break things off, but you knew it was what you needed to do. You want respect from a man you love. You deserve respect from a man you love. You should not feel like trash, that is his thing. You were being a loyal woman to him and the life you two had created. He is the person who couldn't be true.
Do not look at yourself thru tears, you need to see yourself w/ a new 'set' of eyes. Review ALL of your good points, not thru his eyes, but thru the eyes of love. Start w/ how your son sees you. You are his world, you are all the good things in his life, he sees his beautiful, loving mommy. Don't judge yourself by old b/f's new girl. Your dreams are not over, you have a family - Kaden! Some day you will find the right man who will appreciate the goodness that is you.
A few wks ago I started having attacks, my dr and I thought I was having strokes. Last time I went to ER, admitted into hospital. After all the tests came back negative, dr decided it is panic/anxiety. I have insurance, but I can't afford hospital stay (husband's work hrs have been cut due to economy). I had another attack the other day during med testing. Knowing what was happening, I was able to get it under control after a bit. It is frightening, but I was able to defeat it.
NO MAN is worth giving up! EVER! There are days when you feel like you put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Remember, you have two very important things to live for, Kaden AND you. Don't give anyone power over you. You are a strong woman, never forget that. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of that jerk. This is your chance for a new beginning.
Ppl here are very caring, come back here and let us know how you and Kaden are doing. Try to get some sleep tonight, tomorrow is a new day to live your life.
God bless.  Alice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 7/11/2009 9:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi KM,
Welcome to Healing Well! Sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable. I think Alice already gave you some really sound advice. As for not having money for counseling, a lot of time there are counselors who offer either charity care or a sliding-scale fee based on your ability to pay.

I wanted to offer you a couple of links to resources that may be able to help you locate help in your area:
1-800-SUICIDE will connect you to a local crisis center in your area. Even if you are not actively contemplating suicide, you can call them & tell them you are severely depressed & need to find free/low-cost counseling in your area. Because calls are routed to local crisis centers, the quality of resources can somewhat vary, but overall they do tend to have at least a couple of options to offer at each center. Some centers offer much more extensive lists of resources, so it's at least worth a try. Of course, if things ever get really awful, they can get you emergency help as well so it's a good number to know. is a service that is aimed primarily to teens & 20-somethings, but even if you are older many of their counselors also see older adults (I'm assuming you're not a senior, usually their resources are not helpful for people 60 or older). You can look up counselors in your area who offer free or low-cost care & then call to see whether they treat adults. From what I've seen, the majority of them will see adults.

Other than that, you could call your local ER & ask for resources/referrals. You could call your local Red Cross or Salvation Army to ask for assistance to cover mental health bills. You could try asking local churches/synagogues for assistance (often they will want to tell you about their services for 10-20 minutes, but some people are okay with that as long as they can leave with the funds to see their counseling/psychiatrist. Sometimes the church/synagogue even has someone on their staff who is a licensed counselor who can see you. Most states include in their licensing requirements that counselors are not allowed to try to convert their patients. Even if there isn't a state requirement, it is considered unethical & could be reported to the APA. Many people won't consider seeing a counselor through a religious institution, but they really can be a good option for those with no money and since they're not allowed to "preach" at their patients, it ends up being about the same as seeing a secular counselor). Other than that, if you live by a university, you could see if they will see people from the community -- students need practice & are closely supervised through two-way glass by a licensed therapist. Also, if you live near a large city, you could try calling city hall or a community hotline to see if they can give you a list of resources for getting counseling without money.

Hope that helps. Please do take care of yourself. I really think you could benefit from seeing a professional therapist. If you try all those things & none of them work, please let me know if you'd like & I can send you some more ideas. Not having money should never be a reason for not getting mental health services. Your life & your ability to provide for your son are too important not to get help. :)

I hope you keep posting here! I'm sure other members will be along shortly to offer their support.

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