I think I could be of some help to you. When I read your first post I was like "wow, thats me right there!" Anyways, I'll be 18 in 15 days actually. I have dealt with depression since I was around 12 or 13. It got more severe when I was 15. I am JUST like you, I hide it from my parents and didnt tell them until my therapist thought it was a good idea. She actually told them, I didnt. I also see a psychiatrist who thinks I have dysthymia... or perhaps borderline personality, he's not sure yet.
But I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel sort of relieved actually about
what you said involving self harm and such because most people dont understand it AT ALL. And I can totally agree with you. I punch the walls occasionally. And I have hit myself before, not recently. I am a cutter. I have done other things to harm myself as well and I tend to abuse drugs. These types of things are a serious problem and you should do something. (I should also take my own advice!) I have also been suicidal before. The thoughts cross my mind, but I dont feel that I am actually suicidal in that I would act on my thoughts. I think theres a difference between having suicidal thoughts and being suicidal. If that makes sense.
But, your post is like me 100%. Its not often you meet people who can so closely identify, but it is comforting to know that you arent alone and that your not the only one. But, you arent alone, I feel alot of the same things that you do. The past 2 weeks have been hard for me and at times I havent trusted myself and have really wanted to speak up and tell someone, but I am just so apt at hiding things because Im afraid of what people will think or how they will react. Even my therapist and psychiatrist... Im sure they deal with this all the time, but Im still afraid to talk to them about
Anyways, I had to reply to your post because of such similarities in how we feel and such. Perhaps we could talk sometime. Its usually easier to talk to someone who actually understands what your going through and how you feel as opposed to someone who has never experienced the same things. If you want, you can email me or whatever if you ever want to talk about
it, or anything else, whatever! Perhaps we could help each other, seeing as we both seem to hide everthing from everyone!
But, anyways, its always nice to meet someone who can understand. My email is on my profile but you can also find me on myspace (myspace.com/wilson_gal22) or facebook (facebook.com/cmwhite09) Oh yea, and one more thing... soccer does rock =)
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Started Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects on me), Rozerem, Melatonin Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy-new pdoc-possible Borderline Personality Disorder...
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to
forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"