It’s true that when we get married, our vow is to stay committed, ‘in sickness and in health’. I mentioned that to another member who was contemplating marriage with a man who was not tolerant or understanding of her troubles with anxiety and depression. I told her if he was not able to support her in her efforts, he was not good marriage material. However, in that case things were different…..the woman in question is actively working on her treatment, through counseling and medication, and in your case, your husband seems unwilling to acknowledge his problems or to continue his counseling or take his meds. She is at the point where she is not yet married and looking for a suitable spouse…..you have been married for many years, and are trying to keep your family together while your husband seems uninterested in helping himself or the family.
Sometimes in a marriage, we cannot continue to fulfill our vows because the vows have been broken by the other partner and the commitment has been put in jeopardy. I think your husband, as part of his commitment to you and your family, should be responsible for seeking help for his problems. This would include going back to counseling or getting a new counselor, taking the medications prescribed by his physician, and trying to make an effort to put his life back together by actively seeking employment again. Believe me, I do understand that he is ill, and I know from my own experiences how hard it can be to put one foot in front of the other when depression is the driving force. I just don’t want you to sacrifice your health or your very life, and lose yourself in the process, if he continues to refuse treatment. Yes, I believe in the vows of marriage, but I don’t believe in allowing a situation to destroy you, and I don’t think God wants that for any of us, either. That is my personal opinion, and I hope I have not offended you or anyone else who is reading this.
I’m really concerned about
you, Ravenwood. I can tell you are in pain, and I know you are feeling powerless to change your situation. I hope you will still consider the counseling for yourself, and hope you will find support here and from others in your life. Before I close, I would like to recommend a book to you that helped me enormously when I was going through some things in my own marriage: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft. I hope it will help to put things into perspective for you. I wish you well, and hope you will keep posting with us. (((hugs)))
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.” ~Pliny the Elder