two years ago, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
Today I was rediagnosed and I now have clinical depression and anxiety.
Things haven't been easy. I've tried so hard to change. I feel selfish, but angry that I have depression.
My irritability and constant emotional loops have really destroyed my relationships with my family and long-term boyfriend. I should have been getting married soon. But no one can handle me anymore. I wish so hard that I was different. Tonight, my boyfriend told my he can't marry someone like me. He can't have a wife with anxiety and that if he married me, his children would be in an unstable environment.
He was so supportive in the beginning, but I don't blame him. I've tried really hard but I've gotten worse. I just want to be "normal." I want to get married and have children just like everyone else.
But the truth is i'm also afraid. What will I be like if I had children?
I'm seeing a counselor, I'm trying hard to work-out and do breathing exercises. I'm doing everything I can, but I'm still so far away from my goal.
My family and my boyfriend hoped that I would be off my medication by now, but my doctor just increased the dose. My boyfriend said if I'm not cured soon he'll have to leave.
There's nothing in this world that I want more than to change.
I used to do so well in school, and now I'm failing. We'll not failing, but my marks aren't high enough to get stay in the program I want.
Everything is caotic. No idea where to go from here.