It's been a tough couple of years...

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/14/2009 1:33 AM (GMT -6)   
two years ago, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
Today I was rediagnosed and I now have clinical depression and anxiety.
Things haven't been easy. I've tried so hard to change. I feel selfish, but angry that I have depression.
My irritability and constant emotional loops have really destroyed my relationships with my family and long-term boyfriend. I should have been getting married soon. But no one can handle me anymore. I wish so hard that I was different. Tonight, my boyfriend told my he can't marry someone like me. He can't have a wife with anxiety and that if he married me, his children would be in an unstable environment.
He was so supportive in the beginning, but I don't blame him. I've tried really hard but I've gotten worse. I just want to be "normal." I want to get married and have children just like everyone else.
But the truth is i'm also afraid. What will I be like if I had children?
I'm seeing a counselor, I'm trying hard to work-out and do breathing exercises. I'm doing everything I can, but I'm still so far away from my goal.
My family and my boyfriend hoped that I would be off my medication by now, but my doctor just increased the dose. My boyfriend said if I'm not cured soon he'll have to leave.
There's nothing in this world that I want more than to change.
I used to do so well in school, and now I'm failing. We'll not failing, but my marks aren't high enough to get stay in the program I want.
Everything is caotic. No idea where to go from here. sad

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 7/14/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Hidden Tears,

Welcome to our group. I’m glad you felt comfortable to post here, and I think you will find there are lots of folks who can relate to your feelings. Many of us have both anxiety and depression, and understand how it is to feel those ‘emotional loops’ that you describe.

I was saddened to read the following in your post: “My boyfriend said if I’m not cured soon he’ll have to leave.” Honestly, I’m not sure if someone like that is marriage material. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but if someone makes a lifetime commitment to another person, it really is ‘in sickness and in health’, and I can’t help but wonder what he would do if you were to become ill with something else – something physical, perhaps. Would he only stay with you if you were well? That is no kind of commitment, in my opinion.

I think the fact that you are in counseling and taking the meds your doctor has prescribed are both very good things. It takes courage to face our problems and do something about them, and it sounds to me like you are on the right path. It takes time to learn how to manage anxiety and depression, and it sounds like your family and your boyfriend don’t understand that. It’s not something you can change overnight, but things will improve over time with your continued efforts and help from your counselor and doctor.

Please talk to your counselor about your feelings re: having children. It’s important to get all the things that are concerning you out on the table for discussion. Also, know that we are all here to support you, and will help in any way that we can. Please come back and post some more with us as you feel up to it. (((hugs)))
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.”  ~Pliny the Elder



Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/14/2009 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Hiddentears,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.

I am so sorry you are going through this rough time but please do know that we are here for you. 

You have a real disorder and I fear that your family and bf do not understand your problems if they are putting time lines on how "fast" you should heal. 

When I was going through my lowest moments and my family was becoming "tired of it all" I invited them to come to my therapy session so my therapist could explain my problems and allow my family to ask questions.  I arranged ahead of time with my therapist to allow my son and my daughter to come to a session.

They asked good questions and my son understood however my daughter asked many questions re how they could "help" me to just get over it.  At my next visit with my therapist we discussed how each of my children (adults) had responded and agreed my daughter was looking for a quick cure and not understanding that depression has no quick cures. My son understood much better.

I learned that day that my daughter would not be the "go to" support person for me as she does not understand how depression works.

Perhaps if your family could learn more about depression and anxiety they would be more supportive of you.

Again a warm welcome to you and please do keep talking with us.

With kindest personal regards,




Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 7/15/2009 5:41 AM (GMT -6)   
my family have never understood. until a very, very intense and emotionally raging session with my shrink. i was in hosp at the time. still do not understand, albeit realise that i am me. part of me is mental illness, granted, i have had some major psychotic illnesses and episodes. me, much better, but it has taken a s@#$ load of work, effort and continued perserverance. i am here today...not because of medication, not due to admissions, not because of therapy-has helped immensly, but because of ME. yes the combos have been critical, but it was me teaching others, in particular friends and family. i understand, but i urge you to keep fightin'. am here for you. with compassion, jamie
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