My heart really goes out to you during this time. It’s so hard when you are stuck inside due to physical symptoms and unable to get out and do things to keep yourself distracted or occupied. I’m going through the same thing, and I find it really can ramp up the depression. I am busying myself with reading and watching the odd movie and trying to think positively, but those sad thoughts sure do keep creeping in. I think it’s a good idea for you to get out a little bit tomorrow if you can….I have plans to do the same, even if it’s just for an hour or two.
Your story about
the house really resonated with me. I’m so sorry you had that experience. I feel the same way when I go to our family farm, where my father still lives. My mother designed the house that he lives in, many years ago, and she filled it with lots of love and her own personal touches over the years. When she passed away and my father remarried, his new wife totally changed the house. It’s not even recognizable, and many of my mother’s possessions were disposed of by the new wife. It still makes me so sad to go there even now, because there is nothing left of my mother’s imprint on that place. I used to dream about
maybe someday living there in my retirement years, because the land has been in my family for over 200 years, but now I have no desire to be there, because it is nothing like what I remember, and the love is gone from that place. It’s really hard to accept what is, and to let go of the past, and I am with you in that struggle. I continue to pray and ask God to show me how to surrender my hold on the past and my feelings of loss, and I have faith that one day it will get a little easier. I hope and pray that it will for you, too.
Please be gentle with yourself, and try to find something pleasant to do outside of the house tomorrow. You are a strong and wonderful woman, and I know you will get through this. You are in my prayers. (((hugs)))
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Hope is the pillar that holds up the world.” ~Pliny the Elder