What the deuce

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/19/2009 3:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I really don't get it. My girlfriend and I of 4 months have recently just decided to take a break until school starts up again, with her being busy all the time and me often going out of state. Honestly, meeting her is one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. I knew I would miss her, but my God I didn't think it would hurt this much. I feel like I'm going to explode with emotion.

When I had first started to get to know her, I was in a really dark place with my depression running circles around me. I really had no interest in starting a relationship, but her and I became friends and things just happened. The thing that suprised me the most was the fact that she was the only person who didn't treat me differently or judged me when she found out about my depression.

Now before I got into the relationship, I promised myself that I would not fall in love with her. I promised myself that I wouldn't become too attached. I know that you absolutely cannot rely on another person for your happiness, that it must come within. My therapist and I both agree that I am not co-dependent, and that I am very much an introverted person who likes to do things on their own.

But somewhere along the way, no matter what I told myself, I fell in love with her, and I really wish I didn't. It hurts too D*** much. She was honestly one of the few lights in my world as I have been battling with all this crap, and now it hurts like hell to not be around her.

I haven't told her any of this, and I don't initiate contact as much because I fear it would scare her away. I have no idea how seriously she feels about me, so I really dunno what to do. The thing that I'm struggling with above all else is that I don't want to burden her with all the crap that's happening. Some pretty serious stuff has happened in my life lately and I don't want to worry her.
Honestly if she didn't want to be with me as I'm battling all this stuff, I would break it off if it made her happier. I never thought I could say that about someone but now I can. And it's hard for me to contact her anyways, other than through email or good old fashione letters  scool   
*Whew* skull
Anyone have any advice/ideas/suggestions?

And thanks for reading smilewinkgrin

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 7/19/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -6)   
hi ninjaswan. yes we must love ourselves, if your love is true then it is worth informing your partner of your present state. if she loves you then it will nor be an issue, and maybe she will understand your situation better. obviously it may be time to have a chat with your doc also. i am a no reward without risk type of man...albeit i can not assume anything, i never do, yet follow your instincts. thx for having the courage in posting. am sorry you are depressed and feeling down. we are here for you. jamie. male, 37.
dx mdd, severe borderline personality disorder. ps......welcome to the forum.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 7/19/2009 11:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi NS,
Welcome to Healing Well! I am so sorry to hear that you are so down about being separated from your girlfriend. She sounds like a very positive person in your life.

I think Jamiee gave you some really great advice. It is better to know how she will react than to keep worrying about it. Perhaps she didn't realize how you felt about her since you are so introverted. If she decides to start dating you again, then there won't be any more worrying. If she says she wants to move on, then please know that we will be here to support you.

Take care & let us know how it goes.

Moderator -- Depression Forum

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