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Cowboy up
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 8/3/2009 6:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to say I never could have imagined it would be this tough. She is really being nicer to me then the spring but I feel like my life is just wasting away. I really am no closer to a husband wife relationship then I was before . I have really tried to focus on the positive signs . Like what I mentioned in the post yesterday and the comments like how much if she can get through this we should have another baby. She does constantly ask me for my opinion on everything which I think is good but its just hard loving someone who never says they love me back.Hopefully when the counciling startsthere will be some change for the better.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/3/2009 8:28 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear Cowboy,

I truly understand how you feel, when one spouse is depressed, a marriage is depressed. This illness erodes emotional and sexual intimacy and suffuses a relationship with pessimism and resentment, anger and isolation. Even the sunniest, most capable partner can be pulled into depression's strong undertow.

The longer a nondepressed spouse lives with a depressed partner, the higher their own risks for depression. The deeper a depressed spouse sinks, the tougher it may be to finally treat the depression.

For your wife, getting diagnosed and treated makes all the difference.  I am just so sorry she has been on the waiting least for therapy. 

The success rate of depression treatment is as high as 90 percent. Usually the road back is relatively simple: antidepressants, counseling, or a combination of the two. Recovery will take time and patience. There may be an initial trial-and-error period while your wife tries various antidepressants or see whether various therapy techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal counseling, are helpful. The results are worth it.

Caring for a depressed spouse can be lonely, overwhelming, and emotionally draining. You may blame yourself, feel helpless, grow pessimistic, lose your sense of humor, and even consider leaving.

Like any other illness, depression is an outside force, an unwelcome visitor wreaking havoc with your spouse's health, your marriage, and your home life. Seeing it this way can allow both of you to talk about its effects without blame or shame.

Most of all  Cowboy, respect your own needs. Even thow your wife  has depression, you still deserve everyday niceties, a neat house, regular meals, a calm family environment  as well as friendships, a social life, and time to pursue meaningful interests.

As noted, you are susceptible to depression too. Pursuing your personal pleasures will not only help prevent that but also better prepare you for aiding your spouse.

Take care my friend and do know you are never alone.

With kindest personal regards,



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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