I don't know how to help

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/5/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -6)   
I have a friend and he needs help.
He takes "light antidepressings" he says, so he sleeps better.
He isolates himself and doesn't want to talk to me.
We grew up together and I know him for a long time.
A couple of weeks ago he lost his drivers license cause he was on drugs driving.
He refused the blood test so they took his license and he had to go see a doctor
the doctor knew right away that something was wrong with him.
My friend told me the whole story. So I said: don't you think it's time to get professional help in order to live a satisfying life again?
He gets angry at me when I start to even mention something like that!
In addition to the whole thing he takes drugs on a regular basis.
I am super worried about him.
HOw can I help?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 8/5/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Casmil,

I think that you telling him that he needs professional help is about all that you can do. Other than being there for him.

He pretty much owns this problem. And until he sees that he needs help, there really isn't much you can do, other than pray. You can't change him, or make him change. I guess that you could give him an ultimatum, that that puts your friendship on the line right there. And that could further distance him.

You could try to talk him into going into counseling. That would probably do him some good. But that would be nagging to him. So he might have to learn his own lesson. The sad part about it is that with him driving on drugs, he is putting others at risk.

I wish you the best with this problem. Keep posting, there could be others with better advice. I hope that you can get the answers that you need. But worrying about him is going to get to you after awhile and effect you. So remember, this is his problem, not your problem. Though I can truly see that you care.

Best wishes my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/6/2009 7:43 AM (GMT -6)   
yeah i too can see you care. the best thing i can suggest is to be there when he is ready. everything karen says is correct. i am worried about your health too my friend. i had a friend who has past on, yes drugs. i was there, but i could not be 24/7. nor can you. sorry but the lad is toxic to you and himself at the moment. until he is ready it is best to leave him, let him think, let him reflect, and let him learn his lesson. when true remorse is shown and he is co-operating with everyone then it may be wise to engage. sorry to say this but at the moment you are not talking to him, you are talking to someone affected by drugs.
with loving compassion.
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/6/2009 8:01 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Casmil,

I can tell from your post that you are a very kind and caring person and truly a good friend.  The most important thing you can do for your friend  is just to be there and give him  your support.

Depression is an illness. Your friend needs help and being there for him, encouraging him to seek help is the right thing to do. Ask your friend what he  needs, and tell him how you are willing to help.

Depression is among the hardest of hard times, and friends provide an invaluable source of social support and distraction for a depressed person. You are already helping your friend so keep on being there for him.
Take care,

Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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