I know how you feel. I also have dysthymia. I am currently a college student and I can totally relate to your story. I have followed the exact same path as you.. I started off on Paxil which helped some.. but not enough.. decided to switch and tried cymbalta. it made me very sick and suicidal so i switched again, im on prozac now and it hasnt helped any. Im still at the same low I always have been. I know what you mean thinking anti-depressants wont work, or therapy. I have been in therapy since march and im not sure it has done anything. and been seeing my shrink since late may and still nothing...
When I was little I was very out-going and very happy, but everything changed when I was about 12-13...and since then everything has been so down and crazy. I just turned 18.. I also saw my school counselor for almost 2 years.. it helped to have people to talk to, at school. But I graduated and am starting college now and fear I wont have that kind of connection with any other adult, not like my school coounselor or a few teachers I confided in....which is very rare for me, to open up to anyone. dont even open up during therapy so, i suppose Im a difficult case....
I dont like the thought of needing meds to allow me to function. But, I also want to be able to function. Im 18. Im a college student, of course I want to have a good time and hang out and do things....which I really cant. I cant hang out with people cause I dont like to be around people, but I want to. I want to go places, but I stay at home. I want to be "normal", but Im not...
I think that therapy CAN help in time.. and I think medication also helps. Its just a matter of finding the right med or med combination.. my doc seems to think I need a combination.. but we havent found a basis for one med yet so... until we find one that helps we cant add a second to boost it. He is considering putting me on Adderall to give me energy since all I what to do is sleep and never do anything...
I understand the drugs and drinking.. I have a few times went that direction but I stay away as much as possible. I understand that one small simple thing can happen, but it brings your whole world down, same here. All the time...something SO small and simple, like someone saying something to me..it seems like nothing but it can make everything fall apart and bring me WAY down. I understand the self harm, I have done that as well.
I get it and your not alone in this. If you ever want to talk, Im here for ya... take care and do what you can.. it may take alot of work, but we can feel better..it just takes time and patience... good luck and take care
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Started Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects on me), Rozerem, Melatonin Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy-new pdoc-possible Borderline Personality Disorder... "Cracks
in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
"Sometimes it is best to
what you feel
what you deserve