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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/13/2009 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I've recently turned 21 and to celebrate my 21st, my sisters wanted to take me out celebrate it at some bar. Now i thought it was gonna suck but i ended up having a great time. Well we ended up going to go shoot some pool and drink some beer. Well my sister decided to invite her friend to come celebrate. By the time she arrived, I took a few shots and was already drunk basically. Just remember the beginning of it and bits and pieces of the rest of the night. Well the parts I do remember i was standing around the pool table with my sister's friend(I know her name) around my arm. I remember two times where i had my arm around her. She was smiling too so it wasn't oh your drunk get off of me. She is real pretty and i might want to get to know her a little bit better. And actually meet her instead of just remembering certain times we were together. I still got to talk to my sister about if she liked me or was just there enjoying herself. My question is if i were to go out with her again, how would i tell her i have no friends?

I haven't had any friends in like 5 years. It is really hard to get a girlfriend and tell her about yourself when you have no friends. All i would be doing is dodging that question and telling her other stuff. I don't like to lie, so i can't do that. I can give you guys some answers on how i've ended up with no friends for 5 years. But I am going to skip that for now. Man the fact that i had my arm around her during the night is huge to me. The fact that she was good looking was a plus too. Man it made me want to cry thinking about it, yea i know i am a desperate s.o.b. I am just trying to break being unfriendly pushing people away kind of person. I am trying to break it. I was just wondering would you try to date me if you knew i had no friends? That is very rare thing to have NO friends at all. It is almost like i need friends before i can get a girlfriend. But maybe for me it is the other way around. BTW i don't live in the same town as my sisters and my sister's friend. I live 2 hours away. That night almost made me cry because it made me realize what i have been missing out on these passed 5 years. Just hiding away pushing people away. It just makes me wonder what i would be like if i was a normal guy. But everything happens for a reason and i think it helped me look outside the bubble of society and see it for what it is (but that is a different topic).

Thanks for the advice. I know there is gaps in my story but I tend to ramble and lose place when im opening up about this kind of stuff. Thanks again. blush

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Heeja Surveyor!

First of all, welcome aboard the HW forums! I hope you enjoy your stay here. There are a lot of lovely and compassionate members here, as you will hopefully find out.

Your story had some striking resemblance to my story. For your information, I am a 19-year-old male. Though I have friends, I still have problems with socializing due to social anxiety. Often I think a girlfriend would solve my problems.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed your birthday. These good days always give me hope of how it could be like, give me something worth fighting for. I hope it can be the same for you.

If you don't mind I'd like to share a couple of thoughts. Having no friends probably has a reason. Though I don't know your reason for having no friends, I assume you do want to have good friends. And in some way, isn't a girlfriend the same as friends? I mean, you'd probably won't have sex with your friends, but besides that friends can be just the same. Close friends can be just the same support, you can tell them everything, they will comfort you, etc. Maybe you could ask yourself what you seek, what you expect from a gf or friends in general. I used to stare myself blind on what a gf would bring, but friends are all I need. Good friends though, who'd like to have you around and care for you.

Maybe you can fill in the gaps and the questions I asked you. Don't post it here if you don't feel like doing so, though you are welcome any time of course. But writing stuff down forces you to think about it, and thinking can and probably will help you to get things straight.

If there is anything I can do for you, just lemme know ok!

All the very best my friend,

Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Surveyor!

I don't really have any advice to offer. I just wanted to welcome you to Healing Well.

I see Erik's already posted to you & shared some of his story. Hopefully you find something helpful in what he's shared. I'm sure other members will be along to welcome you as well & perhaps to share their own stories. Weekends are a bit slower, but hang with us & you may get more responses on Monday.

take care,
Moderator -- Depression Forum

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/16/2009 4:32 AM (GMT -6)   
when you allow people to see you.........the relaxed you, as this lady has seen, then true friends will avail.......i have many friends, but i have a few true friends. happy days are a comin'. life is what you make of it, stay confident and be you. thank you for sharing your story surveyor, i admire your honesty and courage! a very worthy trait......something the ladies appreciate in a fella. jamie. male, 37
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/18/2009 11:53 AM (GMT -6)   
A good place to find friends is AA

My son joined years ago and has found life long friends of all different ages.

He also goes to several different meeting places and has formed friendships there too.

Give it a try, might even meet the right girl for you, it's good to be with people who share the same problems...H W is proof of this, cannot imagine life without the Internet and the cyber friends I have.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/18/2009 2:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Surveyor!

Welcome to HealingWell.  You have received some words of wisdom from some of or great members already.
If you liked this young woman I would take a leap of faith and call her.  You don't have to get your sister's permission.
When I get into a situation of what should I do about something I will take the chance knowing that the answer maybe no but I  will still be OK.  So take the chance and if she says no that does not mean you are a looser.  There are a lot of great young women looking for a friend.
Take care and again welcome.

Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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