Welcome! I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with everything going on right now. Summers can sometimes be hard for me too since my schedule changes & it often vary chaotic -- friends go on vacation, weekday church groups take a break from meeting for the summer & most of all, other people seem happier which can just make me feel even more out of place. So know you are not alone in feeling like that.
I do want to encourage you to keep trying different treatments for your depression. It took me quite some time to find a good treatment regime, but I eventually did. My life is not perfect & all happy all the time, but it is much, much better than before. I used to be miserable every day, all the time. Now I have a decent number of days where I am actually happy & more often than not, I am at least neutral -- neither happy nor depressed. So it is possible. I think, based on my experience, that there isn't usually a "cure" for depression, but by getting treated, changing thoughts/behaviors & seeking support, depression can be "managed", as you say, so that you don't feel depressed all the time & so that when you do feel depressed there are ways to move out of the depression and back into happier times, rather than remaining stuck feeling more & more negative every day.
I hope that helps. Know that you have a lot to offer this world. I love oil paintings -- and art in general. It brings so much beauty into the world & holds much power to change people's perception of the world. I think that even "sad" paintings can have a lot of value, though perhaps it is to taxing on the artist to have to remain in that emotional state for long periods at a time.
I'm not an artist, but I know some people are helped by trying a new art to express their emotions. Maybe that is something you could try. Sculpting, woodworking, stitching/needle crafts, etc. may be different enough that you don't have to worry about the end product as much as the process of sending out your emotions into your art. Letting go of your emotions that way can be very healing (I have really benefited a lot from art therapy, myself), but getting caught up in how things look can destroy any possible benefit. A good friend of mine did that (she worked mostly in collages, & some in watercolors) -- switching to sculpture just to get her emotions out. She found that her "artist's block" was cured & after the started to heal, her collages took on a new, fascinating quality that incorporated some of what she had learned practicing sculpture.
Anyways, it's just an idea. I'm sure you have some wonderful ideas of your own about how to get the negativity out of your soul to make room for all the beauty & blessings that surround us in the world. It is possible to break out of the depression for periods of time & I can tell you that even though things are not perfect all the time, it is well worth it to even have what times you can have feeling happier & like things are mostly right with the world.
Let us know how things go as you keep fighting against the depression. I know I have really benefited from all the supportive members here. Many of them do not post on the weekend, but I'm sure they will be along come Monday to welcome you to our community.
take care & have a peaceful weekend,
Moderator -- Depression Forum