what kind of therapist do I need?

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Deacon Blues
Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 312
   Posted 8/15/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
It is PAST time for me to see someone. My marriage has turned into a pile of crap again. It has been the source of my stress/anxiety/depression for many years. Just when I am feeling better my wife drives me into depression again. Is it possible for someone to drive someone else into depression. SHe always makes me feel as if I cannot make her comfortable. She loves me, is obsessed with being with me, but I always feel as if I cannot make her happy. She states emphatically that I make her very happy, however she then moves into statements like "she thinks that she doesn't make me happy," which throws it right back onto me! That statement causes me to get depressed and look inward to what I am not doing to make her feel that she makes me happy. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I have my own depression issues as well. I wouldn't be surprised if I was cyclothmic- MD or whatever...Sorry to vent, I need to get therapy soon, this id driving me nuts again. I have been all over the battlefield of my mind to come to terms with my life...gotta get some things sorted out...So I may need a family/marriage type counselor, BUT I do have my own issues to sort out as well. Should I seek out 2 different therapists? Which kind? cognitive/behavioral? etc...??
Any help is appreciated, D
Diagnosed with UC in Dec of 1999
Some left sided scarring from previous disease process
3 Asacol twice daily
Mild flares a couple times a year
45 yrs old

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 8/15/2009 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
It's up to you & I'm not sure there is one right way to approach this. Is your wife comfortable going for marriage counseling? If she is, then probably it would be fine to start marriage counseling & individual counseling at the same time. Often marriage counselors will be willing to also meet with individuals separately outside of their shared session.

If your wife is not seeing the need for marriage counseling, maybe the best place to start would be individual counseling. It sounds like you are both happy in your marriage & just being overly concerned about the other person's happiness. If she's saying she's happy, I think you need to try to take her at her word. If she's making you happy, then tell her that & ask her to take you at your word as well. I think (though a professional could better direct you) that it could be the case that both of you are happy in your marriage, but unhappy to do other factors in each of your lives. If that is the case, then maybe you each could benefit from individual counseling. But, counseling is a personal decision & not everyone is comfortable going. And, even those who are comfortable with one type of counseling, may not be comfortable with another type of counseling. So it needs to be her decision whether or not she wants to go, but certainly you can make the decision to get help for yourself & maybe the progress you make would be an inspiration to your wife to get help for herself.

Keep us posted on what happens & let us know if there is anything any of the members can do to support you (realize that we have fewer people who post on weekends, so it may be Monday before you get many responses, but I imagine several people will be able to share their own experiences after the weekend as there have been many of our members who have gone through similar struggles).

take care,
Moderator -- Depression Forum

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 8/16/2009 4:04 AM (GMT -6)   
dear deacon blues. i would continue with your therapy and engage in couples therapy. you as a couple may start the first session seperately, this practice is common, thus the therapist can truely assess, without bias what needs to be addressed, similarly it gives each person the sanctuary to openly discuss issues without distressing the other. hope this helps. kind regards. jamie
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.
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