Thank you for the kind words. As mentioned before, Thursday will in all probability be decision day. But both my therapist and my parents agree that it probably is better not to start a study this year. And it seems true. Right now, there is something wrong inside my head that needs to be fixed. And a study can begin next year or this year, it doesn't really matter.
You know that feeling that you aren't in the mood for something you used to enjoy? At the moment I'm never in the mood to do stuff I used to like. Everything is hard to do, even harder to continue with, and gives no joy or satisfaction whatsoever. Furthermore, I have no concentration and no motivation, so that would add up to the already big pile of stress that is study.
It sounds like I have already decided, and I think I have. There is no point in starting a study besides the pressure I feel from inside to do it. And I think the world is better of with a problem free version of me than someone who is stressing all the time while trying to keep up with a study.
But I guess I will make it back to school one day
. Right now, there are more important things to deal with though. Everything we do is done that way because, conscious or unconscious, we are trying to improve our happiness. At least, that is what I believe. And if so, there is no point in not trying to improve my happiness directly. On the other hand, maybe something will fit in and break that wall I am facing now when trying to study. But how can we know?
I'll try to make some schedules for the next days. Maybe some structure will help. Right now, I am wandering around the house like a zombie from time to time, and that has never been the idea.
Have a wonderful day everyone,
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