new here and don't know what to do

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 357
   Posted 8/20/2009 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi... I don't really know what's going on with me. Some days I'm ok, upbeat even, but something is always missing. Most days I just want to be by myself. I try to be "normal" for my daughter (10 yrs.) but I want nothing to do with my live-in boyfriend or my family or friends. I feel like no matter what I do there's always a wall in between me and life. I get angry at little things and I feel like crying for no reason. I tried seeing a therapist a couple of months ago, but I felt like I couldn't tell her anything, I had to keep up my charade of normalcy, so I stopped going; I never really told her anything about myself or my issues anyway. I try, I really do, but I just feel like this miserable feeling gets worse and worse....
So here I am at the "depression" forum... I'm not sure what I'm looking for but this really sucks and I'm hoping maybe someone has something to tell me...

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 8/20/2009 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
hi kriss, firstly, welcome. i am jamie, i am male and 37 have lived with deprssion for over 20 yrs. i feel there is stuff on your chest, therapy to start with can be awkward, thus i would definately suggest having a chat with your doctor. your depressive symptomology sounds like it is building, thus you need an outlet. for me it is music, others on the forum it is poetry, me too, art, meditation, walking, etc. one thing i know that works is writing stuff down. getting it from head to paper is very carthartic. also you can take it in, in note form to your doc.
i am no doc, but your doc may well be able to assist with getting a good therapist and or know of good support groups in your area. depression sucks, but your courage in coming here shows a strength of character, to understand what is happening and to do something positive about it. so well done. other members will come on and say hi, i am sure you will receive more info soon. keep posting, we are here for you. with loving compassion.
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 8/20/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I also wanted to welcome you to the Depression Forum. Sometimes it takes time to find a therapist who is a good match. Many of our members have been through a number of therapists before they found one they felt comfortable with. Maybe you might consider trying a different therapist to see if that works out better? Just a thought.

You are always welcome to post here. We have all been there in those low places where everything just seems dark & hopeless, like no one understands us and so we just want to give us. I'm not sure how much we can help -- but we can always lend a listening "ear" and as much compassion & supportive words as we can muster. I would encourage you to try to find positive thoughts to think about & set aside time to think about those things & maybe even to speak the positive sayings aloud. We all have different preferences about what those "things" are -- counting our blessings, remembering our successes or strengths, singing happy lyrics, reciting poems, speaking uplifting scriptural verses, reading letters from friends, memorizing quotes, or practicing positive "I am" statements. I'm sure you could probably think of some more to add to that list, but the important thing is to try to fit in some time to fill your head with happy thoughts. From what I've read, happy thoughts change the chemicals in our brains for a little while & when we spend more time thinking on positive things, our brains start to change too & it becomes easier and easier to focus on good things, rather than getting sucked into all the negativity & discouragement that surrounds us in this world -- especially when we face chronic illness on top of the depression.

Anyways, I hope that helps, even just a little bit. Please keep posting here & let us know how you're doing, or even just to share a bit more about yourself.

take care,
Moderator -- Depression Forum

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 357
   Posted 8/21/2009 8:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both.. I never gave any kind of background on myself.. I am a 32 yr old female and I am normally on the Crohn's disease forum.. again, thanks for the words of encouragement.
32 year old female... diagnosed with Crohn's at age 16, then with proctitis in 2005... right hemi-coloctomy April 2001 (removed 12 inches)... currently taking 100mg 6MP, Canasa, acidolpholus, Protonix, B12 injections once a month, 20mg Prednisone, Bentyl and Percoset as needed... just started Remicade

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/21/2009 8:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Kriss,

Welcome to the Depression Forum.  I am Kitt and I have depression and anxiety and My hubby has Crohn's.  :-)

May I ask if your Crohn's is flairing now?

I have found that therapy was one of the best things I did for myself to help me put my depression into perspective.  I have a 27 year history of Depression and have done well 95 % of the time but the 5% that went bad were the darkest and lowest times I have ever lived through.

Perhaps a good visit with your PCP would help you as the two of you can  talk and decide what may be the best plan of care for you.

Again a warm welcome and please do stick with us. We love new members.



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42499
   Posted 8/21/2009 12:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kriss,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I am sure that you will find a lot of support here.

I hope that you start feeling better soon. Please continue to post here. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 357
   Posted 8/21/2009 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, my CD is flaring right now... I made an appt with a new therapist, but it's not until 9/2.
32 year old female... diagnosed with Crohn's at age 16, then with proctitis in 2005... right hemi-coloctomy April 2001 (removed 12 inches)... currently taking 100mg 6MP, Canasa, acidolpholus, Protonix, B12 injections once a month, 20mg Prednisone, Bentyl and Percoset as needed... just started Remicade

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 8/21/2009 5:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I can totally relate to everything that you explained that you are feeling Kriss.  That is almost exactly what I've been going through for the last few years.  It would come and go during stressful times.  I took Lexapro for a few years.  That worked pretty good.  Then I needed to up the dose.  But the last few years have progressively gotten worse.  I talked to the doctor again and I ended up changing my meds and started talking with a therapist.  This is my second time going to a therapist.  The first time around, I just didn't connect with her.  I just stopped going.  This time around, so far so good.  But it's extremely draining. 
I am still feeling pretty much the same.  Just not as intense.  I am gradually increasing the meds.  So hopefully that will help even things out.  Like you I would like to actually feel 'normal' instead of pretending.  And I would like to start living life.  Actually enjoying myself.  And feel joy.  Truely laugh again. 
Baby steps.  That's all I am capable of doing right now.  I try to find something good in every day.  And occasionally a really good cry does wonders.  Even the ones that sneak up on you and you have no idea why.  Just letting it out instead of trying to hold it all in. 

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20227
   Posted 8/23/2009 4:56 AM (GMT -6)   
good luck with your appt kriss. hoping the cd flairs settle soon. regards and healings to you. jamie

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 8/25/2009 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome!  You can always vent here and we have all had depressive issues.  I do hope you feel better soon and when you go to the Dr. tell them everything.  I think this is very important for them to be able to help you.  withdrawing is a very definite sign of depression and sometimes we just can't do it alone, (get well that is) we need help.
Sending sunshine your way!
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