Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. I am so sorry to hear you are in a bad place right now. I would make an appointment right away to see your Physician as well as discussing a different form of therapy.
Trust me you are a good person, a good friend, a good daughter and sister, and a good girlfriend. Your mind is messing with you and you are a person with depression. I have had depression for 27 years and I have been in that dark hole more then once where you cannot see the light but keep moving forward................it is there.
When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them.
Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. Stick with us and we will support you.
I wish you peace,