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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/23/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi all. I'm going to try and make some sense out of this, so bear with me. I left my wife and her 3 teenaged children a few months ago. We never saw eye to eye on parenting and financial issues from the outset of our marriage, even though we talked prior to being married about how we would tackle these things together. It became very clear soon after we were married that she was just giving me lipservice, and doing what she felt was right, even if I disagreed. I hung in there, and tried to 'adjust' for 5 years, and well, I came to the realization, that I had given up all of the things that I hold in high regard morally and became someone I really didn't like very much.

I made the decision to leave, and left most everything behind, as I felt those children needed 'stuff' more than I do, as this would be their second divorce to endure. I'm lawyered up and the process is moving forward.

I've been through therapy in my younger years, and benefitted highly from it. These days, however, I can't really afford it, as I'm trying to refurnish my little place, and well, I don't make that much money in the first place. I get depressed rather easily, as I'm sure I'm still trying to 'make it' through my daily routine. Every time I have to go buy something new for my apartment seems like more of a setback than a positive event. I'm more disappointed that I've somehow failed in a relationship, and wonder if I'm just not wired right to be involved with ANYONE.

I lost track/touch with most of my friends that I had prior to being married, so am relying/leaning on one very good friend, who has been my rock as of late. (no romantic involvement there, truly a good friend.) So, I'm not used to being lonely, not used to living with nothing, and not used to going out and trying to meet new people.

The funny thing is, I'm all my friends' therapist, I just can't seem to figure out what to do to 'turn the corner' on this awful, feeling of sadness and despair. I'm not talking about suicidal thoughts, just the 'wow my life sucks' kinda stuff. At 46, starting over is really not that cool of a feeling. It's just a little difficult right now, as most people I know have families of their own to take care of, they don't seem to have the time to spend talking with me about my current 'journey'.

Thanks for reading.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/23/2009 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
First of all welcome to HealingWell. I am so glad you found us.
Marriages break up for many reasons and you each go your own way.  I am so sorry that the marriage did not work out, but you know you have the strength to do this on your own.
There is a freeonline site you may want to use and your can work the whole program right from home.  It has helped many.  I think you may learn some skills and tecniques that will help you through this tough time in your life.
It is called E-couch :

It does take time and committment but in the end you will benefit.

Take care and again, welcome.



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42611
   Posted 8/23/2009 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

Maybe this is a new beginning for you. A time to get to know yourself and grow. I would get some self help books and work on that. Take nice walks, do meditation. Use this time a growing process. It is all in the mind. Don't give up. Things change for a reason.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/24/2009 5:06 AM (GMT -6)   
hey loudest143. hi, welcome. i am 37, male and well-well starting to really get my life movin'. time for you for a bit. with healing compassion. jamie. thanks for your courage in sharing. take care.

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 8/25/2009 3:17 PM (GMT -6)   

I think trying to make a marriage work with 3 children already in the picture would be pretty hard.  Sounds like when you left you were trying to think of them and not yourself which says alot about you, in a very positive way.  Life does suck sometimes and really what are you going to do about it?  You do the best you can everyday, take care of yourself, be kind to other people and all of a sudden something really good happens and like does not seem so sucky anymore.  I hope you feel better soon.  You always have lots of outstanding people here to talk to.


New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/27/2009 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   

I would like to thank everyone for the kind words.  I've visited ecouch already so it's somewhere to start, right?

Leaving was a difficult decision, indeed.  Leaving behind the 3 kids was awful, but in many ways, they will fare better with me out of the picture.  As for me, I think that as it was mentioned above, this is a new adventure, and a new beginning.  It's still tough to swallow some moments, and I guess with time, I will learn to cope.

In the meantime, I'm taking time to repair some old lost friendships. And start some new ones, like this place.

Thanks again.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/27/2009 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Loudest.  When you said the following "that I had given up all of the things that I hold in high regard morally and became someone I really didn't like very much."  That tells me you had made the right decision by leaving.  In my past I have experienced losing myself in a relationship and that is so unhealthy.  Compromising who we are is not a positive thing.   Good luck on discovering yourself again and making new friends.  turn

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/28/2009 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Empress, I've got a question regarding compromise.... I've always felt that good relationships are based on compromise. Making time for one another and their thoughts and issues, meeting in the middle on tough topics for the best end result for everyone, things like that..... The problem is, I just don't know that many people who seem to think about things like that..... Am I just off base in my theories and thoughts? Hard to tell sometimes.


Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/29/2009 6:04 AM (GMT -6)   
i do. jamie. stay positive, what you are doing is good. i wish you healings and positive renewal. regards. jamie
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