Making Connections

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/25/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Everyone,

A little about me... I have been challenged with major depression pretty much on and off my whole life. I have been working very hard in therapy to work through some painful emotions and am making progress. I am so grateful to my therapist for sticking by me. Just recently with the help of doctors I got off my antidepressants which has been tough but I am hanging in there. I am learning healthier ways to cope and finally have a consistent routine of exercise and meditation. All good steps in the right direction right?

The one area that I have been avoiding is getting close to other people. I have isolated myself, lost connection with others. I know I have avoided relationships in the past because there is a lot of pain around them but I have realized that the one thing that I am truly missing is being around people that I can be ME around. I get tired of pretending.

I have this tendencey to think because I have depression and can get over emotional that no one will really want to be around me. I know intellectually that those beliefs are not true but deep down I think I still struggle with that. I have great girlfriends but I don't get to see them nearly as much because they are married. I am still single. I almost feel like they have moved on in their own life and I have stayed stuck in this area.

So how do I start over from scratch in this situation? I am wanting to work on this way in which I can really learn to connect with others

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/25/2009 9:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow, Cloudy, I really feel for you. I too have had a very hard time figuring out what I wanted - and want - from friendships, what's fun, what I enjoy, who I want to hang out with, and how the heck to get people to want to hang out with me!

You might like this list of ways to make friends. It has 50 ideas, and there're another 50 if somehow those aren't enough.

Believe in yourself. You have a lot to offer, and you're a very special person. As hard as it is, you need to believe and be comfortable in your own skin. That confidence will naturally get people to gravitate to you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/26/2009 3:21 AM (GMT -6)   
dear cloudy, you have started the ball rolling by talking about your situation. small steps my friend, then bigger ones. hey, you self-actualisation of the problem is an excellent step. bugger them, if they are good girlfriends then tell them to visit, go for a coffee, a drink, girls night etc. keep well, good that you have a good therapist, isolating is easy-it is the not isolating that is much harder. yeah ben there. with compassion. jamie
dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/26/2009 10:29 AM (GMT -6)   


I truly understand this problem very well.  I would like to see you take it to therapy and talk about it.  You have done so well in therapy that bringing this up sounds like a good place to get professional counseling on how to become more social and still feel comfortable.

I really liked bluebirds link. Thanks bluebird for the great resource.

Gentle Hugs,



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 8/26/2009 7:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Thanks for all the encouragement and support. This is a very complex issue for me and it needs to be worked through. I am thinking lately that it is not that no one wants to be around me I think those are old thought patterns of how I felt within my family unit It is more trying to take and create opportunities to meet others without feeling overwhelmed or a feeling of the need to perform. I have been an over achiever most of my life and to me the connections with others more about just being just being who I am. That has been tough for me and when you have lived with old patterns like that for a long time I have tendencies to project those thoughts onto others.

I have this big fear that I am going to end up a lone but in many instances I am already there because of these old patterns I project onto others. I know first to just accept this is where I am at this point in my life and to take baby steps back into the social scene. How do I find ways to push myself without being critical and judgemental? Has anyone lost connections due to their depression and have any success stories to share about reconnecting with family and friends?

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/26/2009 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes, thanks for the list, bluebird. I will take on that challenge no matter how difficult or painful. Kind of use it as a checklist (to get familiar with the unfamiliar, for me) to work through with those I'm in contact with daily. I so need to learn how to make connections. It just plagues me no matter how positive or brave I vow to be with people at this party or that event. I walk in and feel 4 years old... again.
Peace to you!
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