in need of advice

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I am 25 yrs. old i moved out of my mothers' house when i was 24 yrs old. i have a young child and i am not in a relationship with her father (joe)but we  are good friends and i like for him to spend time with his daughter and spend the night with us sometimes, but in december. '08 (a month after i moved out of my mom's house) her house caught on fire so she came to stay with me (w/o asking). so valentine's day he came to my house.
 my mom had been gone all day so when she came back home she saw that joe was here and she got upset took my car key's (she helped me buy the car)slammed the door and left. she went and stayed at a hotel.
she came back the next day and said that i chose him over her and i had put her out, but i did not know she would react that way especially because she lives with me and i pay all the bills. So now she still lives with me and he wants to work on our relationship and come over and be with his daughter but my mom says she will not be in the same house as joe she doesn't go many  places so shes always here and so what do i do when i want him to come over my house? I have been going over his house since december now i would like him to visit me at my own home. She refuses to talk to me about it anmore.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. 
Your Mother owns this problem not you.  You own the house, pay the bills and have allowed your Mother to just move in.
It is time to sit down with her and explain your feelings and establish ground rules if she is going to remain living under your roof.
She may not like this but it is her choice to leave or to stay if you want her to on your conditions.
Remember you are an adult now and Mom does not make the rules at your house.
May I ask if you have ever been dx with Depression or if you are just upset with what is happening in your life right now?
Good Luck,


Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 8/29/2009 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
nikki, i am in total agreeance with kitt. you have done her a great service-though you are not a baby, it is your home, thus your rules. i think that maybe you have been to kind? time for that big chat. admire your courage in posting your situation. remember that this is your life, not hers. with healing compassion. jamie.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1208
   Posted 8/29/2009 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
you are an adult and your mom cant make the rules in the household if you let her here she will in every aspect. sit her down and tell her that while you dont mind her living with you and you love her, you will not keep joe out of the house as he is the father of your child.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/29/2009 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Honey, its your house your rules. I would maybe say somthing like "Mom I never picked Joe first, you live me and please know that I know you do not like Joe but he is MY daughters FATHER. I WILL NOT take away a parent from her, that would be a disgrace to her. Please understand I am doing what I think is best for my daughter. And please remember I love you so much that I took you in free of charge. Joe on the other hand would have to pay." Might make her feel bettter. The problem is with her, and honey dont let her control you.

Now what is it with Joe's? Mine cheated on me with my best friend. I contronted him, he denied til I showed him the text messages.
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/31/2009 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your advice, i feel so much better, and now i am ready for the next chapter in my life!

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:46 AM (GMT -6)   
wishing you all the best, remember, be you, be true and stay strong!!!!!! jamie. smilewinkgrin

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 9/1/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I think that you need to take this one day at a time. When you don't know what to do, do nothing. See how things play out. Try not to worry about the future. Live in that day only.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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