Hi, My name is Kalub. I am twenty-years old and I have been battling serious emotional issues almost my entire life. I have dealt with depression, extreme highs and lows, irritability, rage, and I seem to have serious issues with trust. I think my issues with trust stem from family issues, I have had a lot of infidelity in my family and in my life, and I really think that it has combined with my depression problems. It is hard for me to live my life day to day because I experience such extreme highs and lows.
A lot of the time the lows come as a wave of depression, and my stomach hurts, I sweat, I actually sometimes even become frantic or enraged and do not think at all about what I am doing. Nothing else matters at that second except how I am feeling.
The highs are more of a contentment. I do not ever get really happy, I more or less just feel better and I am content for a few hours or days only to crash again. It is really starting to wear on me now that I am out on my own and have to deal with more than just my emotional problems. I often overly stress about money in my low phases, and I feel fine about money in my high phases.
It really seems like when I am down EVERYTHING in my life is affected horribly. But when I am okay I feel alright. I cannot seem to feel bad about one thing and good about another at the same time. I either am up or down about everything. And one SIMPLE thing can ruin things that matter so much to me, because I cannot seem to let it go.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but what should I do about this? I have tried talking to people, but the second I get alone again in my apartment I crash. Talking only helps at the time. I have tried everything except seeing a doctor about medication. Nothing seems to work.