You might have to face the fact that he is always going to bring this up, which isn't fair. But it sounds like he isn't going to forgive or forget. Then you have to decide if it is going to be worth living with this for the rest of your life.
I strongly suggest counseling for the both of you. There are programs that help people with low income, I would suggest checking with your local mental health facility.
I don't mean to sound harsh, I just think he is continually punishing you for things that you don't deserved to be punished for. What you did is in the past and that is where it should remain. But some people hang on to these things and don't let go. And will punish you everytime it comes to his mind.
You are doing a lot with the day care and all. I commend you for that. But his drug use is bothering me. You don't need that anymore. Plus it is illegal. And you are taking care of other people's children. I hope that he keeps it private. And away from the children.
You have a lot to think about
. You do sound a lot better than you did. I do recommend one day at a time as was posted by somebody above. Keep a clear head. And keep trying. Look into some free mental health information. It does exist. There are also some online programs that are free. I believe it is called moodgym. I have the website somewhere, I will try to find it.
I hope that you continue to feel better and can be happy with a real smile on your face.
Here is the site... http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/ I hope that this helps you...
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies