Feeling Hopeless and helpless

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/18/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Due to my economic situation, I cannot afford counseling, but have gone in the past. 
Just some background on me...
I have been living on my own since the age of 16 (I left an abusive home and was estranged from my family for a few years).  In that time, I worked min. wage jobs and managed to get a high school diploma.  Because I wanted to do better, I actually worked my way through college (again in min. wage jobs) and graduated with honors.  I got my degree in music and English, with the hopes of getting into publishing (poor career guidance, I know).  Again, I found myself in retail managerial jobs that paid little or in office jobs that required no degree and paid little. I met my husband (who was a musician) and we struggled together economically.  He eventually went back to school to get his teaching degree, and then his Masters, and then an administrative cert.   After the birth of my second child, I decided to go back to school to get my teaching degree as well.  I graduated with honors again with a Masters.  To make a long story short, it has been almost 5 years and I am still searching for a teaching job.  I have subbed, worked as an aide, tutored, etc. but never have gotten a real job.  (Subbing only pays $70/day in my area - average household salary in my area is $75K.)  It has been very hard, esp. since my kids are now getting older.  We live in a semi-affluent area (I moved back to be closer to my family since my father died and my mother had a stroke).  My mother actuall promised us to get property (she owns quite a bit of land) and we did manage to build on a small lot, so that is why we are kind of stuck here.  My husband has a job, but has been denied advancement due to nepotism and falsehoods.  So we are stuck. 
I have gone to counseling, and was told to simply take any job (I have done housecleaning, retail, and am now trying to get a job in a restaurant), but what I really want is to be able to do what I was trained to do.  Personally, I am almost 40, and believe that many times I am denied a teaching job due to my age (all hires that I have seen for positions I applied for have been under the age of 25).  confused
What is so sad is that because I have been underemployed for so long, we have basically gone through our savings.  I just recently started to go to the local food pantry to get food for my family since we cannot afford to buy any (but ironically enough, we make $300/a month too much to get food stamps).  It is quite humiliating and depressing for me.  I have done all the rught things - went to school, studied hard, don't drink, smoke, gamble, had four beautiful kids who are healthy but unhappy because of the pressures of living in this area - and a wonderful husband who is also stuck in his job.  The other problem we have is that since my husband is older (50), it would be hard for him to get a job anywhere else.  IMO, there is severe age discrimination in my area.  mad
I guess I am just feeling so hopeless...I have no hopes ot get a better job, to get a livable wage, and now have to go to a food pantry and alocal social service agency so I can get food for my kids and clothing for them.  I never thought I was going to be living this way - I thought I'd at least have a good job and career that I went to school for.  I have no money to return to school and also am afraid that if I do, I won't get a job in that field either.  The only reasoin I have to live is for my kids, but I don't know how much longer I can go on.
Thanks for listening...    cry

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 9/18/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Flutetoot,

Welcome to healingwell. And to the depression forum. Yest you sure do have it tough right now, but you are surviving. Have you talked to social services about counseling? There are often pay scales that they can go by to get your costs lowered. I really recommend that you try counseling. It would help you right now as you have a lot on your plate.

Make the best of it that you can. Take it one day at a time and check into counseling. Like I said, there are programs for low income patients. And I really think that this would help.

In the meantime, keep posting as we are here for you. We will help you as much as we can.

Best wishes for a great day,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/18/2009 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like over the years you have worked very hard and come a long way.  You are strong and determined.  I have had to make a few trips to the food pantry myself over the years, I know that feeling.  Times are very hard economically now and the state I live in is laying off teachers.  I do hope something good comes your way soon.  It sounds like you have a nice family.  When I feel very down about things, I always remind myself that there is someone, somewhere, alot worse off and would trade places with me in a minute.  Keep trying to get that job you want and hopefully good things will come your way soon.  I am glad you are here to share.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 9/18/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Heej Flutetoot,

Welcome to HW. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be hard. But there is always hope, as Aragon so rightly stated in the Lord of the Rings. As Karen said, one day at a time is the way to go. Else you will be drowned in anxiety and stress as the future is so insecure. Also, you could ask yourself questions like "what can I do to make my life better". Maybe one of your answers is something you can actually do or try. And don't forget to reward yourself for all those things you do, or even things you don't do. Life is hard enough as it is, and punishing ourselves for our mistakes is not necessary (though I won't say it is easy to refrain from).

And if there is anything we can do for you, don't hesitate to ask. Maybe you will better with just a chat, or maybe there are other things you want to write to us. We are here for you.

Take care, and all the best Flute.

Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 9/18/2009 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Flutetoot, and welcome to HW. I notice you mentioned not being able to afford therapy or counselling at the moment and thought these websites might be of help to you. All the best,

Maz XX

Relaxation thread
Free CBT Online/MoodGYM 
E-couch Online, free

 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
-Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Prescription pain meds/anti inflammatories.
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