hello chein noir, i am jamie, male, 37 and live with mdd, and severe borderline personality disorder. sorry for the difficulties you have faced. from reading your post i can see some relevant symptomology of borderline personality disorder. i have been living with this for around 10 + years now, i am wondering how an er doctor could diagnose you with this so expectantly? a diagnose of this disorder takes a lot of time, it is a very accute dx, therefore i would consult a psychiatrist about this. hey, things do get better, yes dbt is excellent, there other theraputic tools also. trust me, your life is far from over......let me tell you some about me.
from suffering a sequale of abuse, 28 acute hospitalisations, 6 were very long admissions, a course of ECT, homeless for 2 and a half years, dropping my uni degree, a year and a half in-due to repeated bouts of manic and aggitated psychosis, to selling my car for food and money and coming thru heaps of self-harm issues and more, you get what i am saying to now being back in school, making a home and soon to become engaged. lucky for me i was in a psychosocial inpatient treatment program for people with bpd. 6 full and hard months.......but gee it helped me heaps. so my recommendation: consult with a psychiatrist who specialises with bpd. look at all the helping straqtergies, alike mindfulness practice, c.a.t and dbt as well.
my suggestion about employment would be to look at doing some voluntary work with a community mental health service provider, thus no discrimination, furthermore they will be able to refer you to non-judgemental and community focused agencies and employers. with compassion. jamie
ps. never surrender, we at hw are here for you. and i admire your courage in posting your situation. many healings to you.