Know that you are a very special person despite the tragedies in your past. Your mother was not a good person, but that doesn't mean you aren't. You are special and unique.
I have a few sites that you might be interested in when you Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.comare feeling suicidal.
Please don't let what your mother and grandmother did define who you are. This is all in the past. and eventually you will learn to let it remain there and not let it effect you.
Go to mental health and see if there are any programs that will give you counseling for free. Often there are. If that doesn't work go to social services and see what kind of help that they can give you. You need not suffer like this.
Know that we are here for you and that you are a wonderful person worthy of love and support.
I am sorry for what happened in your past. I understand what you are going through. I didn't have the best mother either. So I know how you feel. And my grandmother was cold and hard. But fortunately she did love me. Though she didn't oftne show it.
Keep posting, I do have to work today, but the other members will be on. Weekends are slow here though, so if you don't get a response right away, don't feel bad. It is just that the members are not on. But I will be back tonight.
Take care my friend, remember you are a good person. You can get through this. We will try to help you.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies