supposedly to help you avoid offing yourself. Each one, the people just sounded like office workers. They just didn't get it. Seemed to have NO clue. I was told to go to the ER. Might be able to help some people. I've been depressed a long time, and have many health problems. I've been numb for so many years, forgot how to feel. Nobody cared. I have a phsych. I go every 3 months for meds. Just meds. They don't help. OK, weel, when I was just NUMB and drugged, I suppose they DID work, I didn't off myself. Yay, me! Now, there's a lot of things going on, and I need to ACT, and I can't. My mother has emphysema. She's getting MUCH worse, and I KNOW that because my father died from it, and I 'SEE' the signs. What makes it worse, is that SHE sees the signs as well. That breaks my heart, as it is a horrible way to go. And she knows it. Last 3 weeks, she's worse. She's worried about
her will, and I am executrix, only one of 3 kids she can trust. (LONG STORY) She constantly brings up that fact. I appreciate it, feel glad she trusts me, but at the same time, with my sister wanting every last DIME that woman has, it won't be easy for me. My son, the light of my life, a fun kid, someone who always made me laugh, we'd play videogames together, watch movies, always a good kid. Always, everyone loves him. Likeable, 22, handsome. Met a girl, who had a diiferent lifestyle, about
9 months ago. She, and her younger sister were taken away from their mother, and into the care of their G-ma, because the mom was a drug addict, and dad an alcoholic. So, the girl knows no other life. SUDDENLY, past 3 months, my son got arrested THREE times for drugs.
TWO of those times he said the drugs were HIS, because he said if someone had to go to jail, he'd do betTer in jail, thAN SHE WOULD, SO HE SAID THEY WERE his. and they weren't his. OR so he says. I admit, I can't really be sure, but, if anyone is that loyal to take a rap 4 someone else HE IS that ummm..STUPID! I'm worried he is addicted to drugs. He was fine, when he lived at home. Then, moved with his girlfriend, and loom what happened.
My daughter, older than him....AT the same time needs a LUNG transplant, as she had cancer at 18 years old. The chemo and radiation ravaged her body. TOO much chemo. That girl had 2 shoulder replacements and one knee replacement, before she was 28. A rare form of joint deteriorization, due to the treatment for her cancer. She STILL needs another knee replaced, and is on the list for a LUNG transplant.
I am overwhelmed. I put on a 'good' face, but this is too much for me.
I have been depressed SO long, and now, all these things....I don't know how I can deal with it all.
I'm not well, physically, either. Many medical problems. That keep me from even going out as much as I would like. Those physical problems, worry me, as I may not be able to help my mother, my daughter....and my husband, he's oblivious.
I'm alone. Only person, ever made me feel OK, happy, laugh, was my son. Now, he's probably headed for jail.
Trust me, IF you knew me, and my family, you would NEVER think my life was like that, OR that my son was like that. I just lost all reasons to BE HERE, I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!!! Does anyone GET that?
I want to myself, but I probably won't. BUT, I am dead inside. And I Soooo want to myself.
No reason to stay, my husband is just ignorant. Long as I am here, he thinks I am OK.
Sorry for the bad typing.... I CAN spell, I just can't type.
Does ANYBODY HEAR ME? Been a long time, if so. I am so alone, no friends, alone, just me.
Thank you for reading this,
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/5/2009 9:57:15 AM (GMT-6)