It sounds like you are sabotaging your relationships because you feel you don't deserve to be happy. But becareful with the little one. She is prescious and deserves to be loved, just like you do.
Are you going to any counseling, or taking any medications? It sounds like you could use some help. I am glad that you posted here, we can give you support. Though I feel you need more than that.
Know that you are a wonderful person. You are special and you deserve to be loved, even by yourself. Learn to love yourself for who you are. None of us are perfect.
I sense a lot of anger towards yourself. I think that is why you undermine your relationships. I think you are afraid to be loved. Maybe you fear it wont last. Or maybe you fear that you are not worthy. But you are.
Please seek professional help. Especially when it comes to your child. You don't want her to grow up feeling the same way that you do. I am sure that you are a good parent. We do the best that we can under any circumstances. Your child is your responsibility, provide love, compassion and a safe place for her. She is innocent here. And she depends on you for positive feedback.
Keep posting, as we are all here for you. If you can't get help, read books. There are many self help books out there that can help you. Just remember that deep down, you are a good person. Worthy of being happy and being loved.
I understand about
alcoholic parents. They tend to be selfish and do not give support to their children. I went through that and it effected my life for a long time. I am sorry for your past. But you did not deserve that and neither does your child.
I am glad that you are reaching out. This is the beginning of a healing journey for you. Get help. You deserve it. You are a good person.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies