Today was just such a horrible day. I am so overwhelmed with stress between the foreclosure, bankruptcy, still not finding any permanent work, etc., etc., etc.
And now I get a slew of emails from a project I led at work about
how angry people all are about
how it turned out. I am just overwhelmed. As much as I mistrust MHW's after I was previously misdiagnosed & spent over 2 years being unnecessarily miserable from a hormone imbalance that everyone swore was imaginary (as it turns out I wasn't even close to the normal range), I have decided to go see a psychologist on Friday. I am scared senseless, but I just can barely even function anymore. I am worried all the time. I feel like everyone in the world hates me (& days like today where people write me letters telling me they're angry with me don't exactly help) and God knows they have good reason to, but somehow I have to start to turn things around & start earning my place in this world.
So that's it. I'm just overwhelmed. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or sympathy or what. But I know at least some of you will understand what this feels like. And that's more than I can say for most people I know. gosh, I've gotta pull it together somehow, but I just don't even have the slightest clue how to do that. Mostly I just believe that if enough really horrible things happen to me now that somehow that will balance out for me being a horrible person, but I realize that belief sometimes ends up not only ruining my own life but negatively impacting others. I don't know if that even makes sense. It's such a long story & I really don't have the energy to tell the whole thing, but maybe someone will still get what I'm talking about
anyways, i'm gonna try to get some sleep now. i gotta get up at dawn to go to work & try to fix that nightmare project. plus the home traction guy is coming tomorrow night (man, my home is such a mess, i don't even know where he will be able to set up -- mold, dirty dishes, laundry, everything is such a mess & i keep meaning to clean, but i just can't bring myself to do it).
PS -- I don't know why all the sudden it says I'm a Forum Moderator. I used to be, but stopped a while back. Just wanted to mention that so no one gets confused. sorry.
Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 10/16/2009 10:27:27 PM (GMT-6)