So we just broke up forever 2 days ago and the week prior she needed time to figure things out, determine what she wants for her own life, etc. This breakup initially started 8 weeks ago....She and I met IMMEDIATELY following her decision to leave her marriage....and I mean IMMEDIATELY following....like the day of !
We started out things as a FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS relationship but I quickly realized that I had real feelings for her, and truth be told she did too. Well that began a whirlwind relationship....we were VERY MUCH in love.
Then I screwed it up. I started hanging out on a social networking site and began texting or calling other women. wasn't interested in relationships with any of these women so I'm really unclear as to why I did it at all. I have started to go to counseling about 6 weeks ago and trying to get to the heart of my self-esteem issues (as this is why we both believe I sought the attention of others) but the counselor doesn't seem to listen to me. She wants to focus on my relationship and what happened there.
I KNOW where my self-esteem issues come from. My father and I had a very tense relationship growing up, he treated me like crap and yada yada yada, well my father and I have since gotten those things discussed and we get along great now and talk almost everyday. My dad and I are great friends now but I suppose those wounds are still deep....not so much with my dad...but with others; specifically women !
So what do I want now ? I want to get over HER. She and I were together for 15 months and saw each other virtually everyday. I really, truly felt she was THE ONE....and now I'm knocked over wondering how the heck to get over her ?? She has cited other issues as well; i.e. we have different religious beliefs, my two sons live 3 hours away, I hate my job (we work for the same company and see each other potentially everyday) and she never had any downtime from leaving/divorcing her ex-husband to starting a relationship with me....so there's plenty of reasons I guess NOT to get back together but I just love her so much that it hurts on a continual basis.
I don't know what to do with myself ?! My day to day has been about work, my boys (til my ex-wife moved 3 hours away with them ) and HER ! Now my boys live 3 hours away so I see them on the weekends.....and now since we've broken up I have MY JOB....which I can't stand ! I don't recall what my life was like prior to her ?! I hate the fact that I can't seem to start healing. Yes, I realize it's been 2 days but my gut tells me its really over....so why doesn't my heart hear my gut ?