He'll be better once he gets off the ECT. I was really down when my husband's birthday and our anniversary rolled around. I didn't even get out to get him a card. He understands this is what it's like. Your husband is not trying to slight you out of your special days. Right now he's doing his best to just hold himself together until the ECT starts.
I know you are in a very difficult place to be right now. If you want your "old" husband back, you can't do much other than deal with it for a couple weeks. Maybe call his counselor and see if they have any ideas for you.
I've found over the years, that birthdays and anniversaries don't have to necessarily have to be celebrated on the date they occur. I'd rather wait until my hubby was feeling good to go out to dinner or dancing, or whatever. Your hubby is just trying to hang on the best way he can right now. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc always seem to make a bigger difference in our lives than theirs.
Mine took me to a casino for our anniversary a couple months ago. Gambling is one of the things I can easily walk away from, but I do enjoy it. Usual minimum time for me is several hours before I'm ready to leave. After half an hour, I wanted to go. I kept forcing myself to stay and try to look like I was having a good time. A couple hours later, my anxiety skyrocketed and I wanted to leave right then! He thought he was doing something good to lift my spirits. All it did was make me crazier.
My point being, I know it's hard on you to have to be the one to keep everything running. I am the one that does it here, when I am well. If he's sick enough for ECT, he isn't able to function or respond the way you want him to. That will happen once he's gone through the ECT and is feeling human again. I'll say a prayer for you and for him also!
Major depression; Bipolar Disorder; Fibromyalgia; Spinal Stenosis; right arm and leg nerve compression; cataracts; glaucoma; IBS; RLS; hypothyroidism; B12 deficiency ... that's enough or I'll get more depressed.