Posted 10/26/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)
I'm depressed. I wish that was my only problem. Unfortunately, I have other problems, medical, financial, social, etc. Therefore, it is somewhat hard for me to relate your problems, but I can somewhat relate to your wife's. She is stuck in the house all day with her job and the kids. Kids can't deal with someone being depressed, so they can't help. It sounds like your out of the house a lot, so you can't help as much as you might. No fault of yours, just the way it is. I spend a lot of time on line, because I want to forget my problems. Which causes other problems, because I am not dealing with the problems I should be dealing with. Then the problems get worse, which makes me want to forget all the more. So, I go on line to forget them, just for a while, and then the cycle repeats. I just want to stop the pain for just a bit. Just to catch my breath. But, then as soon as I start working on the problems, it reminds me of how messed up things are and I am in pain again. So, I go on line to forget my problems, etc., etc.,
One thing I have noticed. My depression seems to be contagious. My wife is now depressed and like me, she doesn't want to talk about it, because it causes the pain to get worse. My son is depressed, but doesn't want to talk about it, because he sees himself as a loser and talking about it just reinforces those thoughts. I have no friends because I don't want to burden them with my problems. I avoid the rest of my family for the same reason. What I am getting at, is that explorerman may need to do something about his own depression as well as his wife. Even if he isn't as bad off as her yet, he could be getting there. And possibly, by getting better himself, he may do more to help his wife then by just being there for her.
Just my musings. I know that explorerman is in a rough situation. And I know those of us with depression and other illnesses can be hard, if not impossible to deal with. I saw a family torn apart because of a wife's depression. Her husband, family, doctors and friends tryed to help, but none could. She convinced herself of some things which were not true and no amount of people pointing the truth out to her, would change her mind. So, she divorced her husband and now her kids need counseling for depression too.
Anyway, we don't mean to drag others into our personal hells, but it seems that we can't help it sometimes. Like the alcoholic who has to have that next drink, even though they know it is killing them, those of us who are depressed can't seem to help but pull those closest to us down with us. We don't want to, but just don't know how not to.
Bottom line, explorerman, make the time to take care of yourself. Which I suppose coming and posting here is one good step. Please note, that although misery loves company, there is absolutely no reason for someone to be miserable just because another is. You can understand your wife's problems without becoming miserable too. It doesn't mean that you love her less just because you can be happy when she is not. When you are not miserable you can help reassure your wife that life is not over. There are still things to do, people to see, places to go. And be patient. Us depressed people have conditioned our brains for depression. Didn't mean to, but that is beside the point. The point being, we have to re-condition our brains to work other than how they do now. We can't just snap out of it. It takes us time to re-condition our brains. And some of us, try as we might, still cannot seem to get there.
Hope this isn't too depressing to contemplate. I am really trying to help, in my own stupid way.