I SAT ALONE ONE DAY,
THE WORLD WAS MOVING ALL AROUND,
BUT IT SEEMED AS IF MY LIFE WAS AT
THE DOCTOR"S SAY IT"S ANXIEY,
EVERYONE THINKS ANXIETY MEANS
NERVOUSNESS OR FEAR,BUT IT"S
DEEPER THAN THAT.
ANXIETY HOLDS YOU PRISONER,
YOU CANT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
THE DOORBELL RINGS,BUT I CANT
EVEN ANSWER THE DOOR,
THERE IS TO MUCH FEAR INSIDE.
YOU CANT EVEN ANSWER THE PHONE,
TELEPHONE FOR YOU,MY MOTHER YELLS,
I TELL HER TO SAY I WILL CALL BACK,
BUT I KNOW I WONT.
NO,NOT ME. THE ANXIETY EVEN CONTROLS
THAT. ALL THE PAIN RUSHES BACK UP WITH EVERYTHING I
TRY TO EAT.
I CANT GO OUT. THUMP,THUMP MY HEART
BEATS FASTER AND FASTER AND I CAN FEEL IT IN
MY CHEST. BEADS OF SWEAT,RACING,FALLING AND
RUNNING DOWN MY FOREHEAD.
ALL THE THOUGHT"S SWARM IN MY BRAIN.
THE FEAR AGAIN PICK'S UP,IT"S UNBEARABLE.
I"M SO FRIGHTENED,BUT I DONT KNOW WHY?
THE PARANOIA SWEEPS OVER MY BODY LIKE
A HUGE WAVE. EVERYDAY I HAVE TO FIGHT
WHAT SEEMS TO BE A LOOSING BATTLE.
BUT THEN I LOOK OUTSIDE, AND
I SEE COLORS.
I SEE LIFE.
I SEE SPIRIT.
I CAN DO THIS, BUT HOPE AND PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
written by Beverley.c. 5.11.2009
diagnosed with C in 2001.
colorectal anastamosis 2001.
surgery went horribly wrong,swab left inside,emergency surgery 2001.
total colectomy & ileostomy 2001.
surgical complication's-abcess,more surgery 2001.
more complication's-stitches come apart inside and ended up having more surgery and blood transfusion. 2001.
infection at lap site,another abcess. 2001.
i spent 12mths in Cabrini Private Hospital in Melbourne.
1993 diagnosed with endometriosis,then age 27yrs had radical hysterectomy then 2 mths later lost both ovaries.
2005. bi-lateral mastectomy,heart attack on the table,also contracted MRSA in coronary care unit,had staph for about 12mths. pic line for 6 mths for venus access,for daily antibiotics.
march 2009. op on a parastomal hernia & re-fashioning of stoma. Then complications,huge abcess in small bowel & peritinitus,emergency laparotomy to remove,icu for 5 day's. I think that's enough, no more.
Am taking AVANZA for my depression & ocd!!!!!!!!!!!