thank you for your replies blue eyes and elevation.
at the moment i work in a primary school doing maintenance and the head master is aware of my condition as i was put in hospital at one point and have had attacks at work. aswel as feeling mentaly unable to concentrate on certain things i suffer from physical effects aswel. like throwing up and i shake and i just feel to curl up. i do have hobbies as before this all started about just over a year ago i had a full life of happiness. i love making music, i can play a large amount of instruments from piano to guitar to drums aswel as using music software to create electronic music on computers. (visit my website if you like. and i know its ironic that my music name is called sectioned but thats what i named it years ago so please dont be offended anyone. i will change it asap.
i love to cook, and i do eat alot of home cooked meals and drink plenty of water and i try to eat salad everyday. but as of recently im still losing alot of wieght. i used to wiegh 14 stone 6 months ago and now i think i wiegh about 10. im not sure y im loseing it so fast, i think its coz of the stress of being me.
i think im like this beccause of the certain sequence of events that happened in my life. like i worked very hard to get where i am at my job. i always used to turn to my fiancee and say i would end up at this job to surport us and the family we always wanted but then she left me just before the job came round. she was even upset that the job i always used to talk about came when she left. but what happened was when she did say it was over and she didnt love me anymore i started switching mind states. i was happy coz she was trying to be happy then i would self harm and then i tried to commit suicide and she just pushed me away. i dont blame her for this but every time i wanted to be near her for comfort and help she would push me further away. she then said i was harrasing her. i can see where she is coming from but all i wanted was help and love. we had alot of great times together but all she see is the bad times. we lost a child together and also we had an incident that i dont like talking about because it is her that something happened to so i dont have the right to talk about it but it effected both of us. also i was involved in illegal drugs alot and at one point when the recession came in i lost my job and we had to lose the flat we lived in and i became more involved in illegal drugs but didnt have the money so i used to take it off her. i was completely in the wrong for it and when we split i pulled out my life savings and gave it all to her because i felt what was mine was hers and i thort it was the same the other way round.
right i think im talking to much about her now.
can i ask if anyone here is from london?
and can i ask blue eyes and evelation if you have any problems. coz aswel as being in this state i want to help aswel, i was made for good intensions
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/3/2009 12:13:49 PM (GMT-7)