Thanks for your help. I am just so scared right now. Like I said, I can't even post the worst thing about
the psych hospital on here because it was too violent. I think I've posted before about
what my life was like growing up -- so being trapped in a place where I am basically tortured and afraid I will be attacked (with good reason in that case) is horribly traumatizing. If people were allowed to leave when they wanted to, I think I would probably have a much better view of it. I went to a different hospital for IOP & that was okay because if we really wanted to, we could leave at any time. It meant dropping out of the program for good, but it was an option. Plus I got to have my pain medication, my Spinal Cord Stimulator & I got to go home at night (which is always the hardest time for me).
I posted to the thyroid forum because maybe that is a better place for what's going on right now. I know others there struggle with swinging emotions. I've been tested for bipolar & am not, but sometimes it seems like I can go from feeling alright to feeling like the world is ending without much time in between. Cold is the only thing that helps & I know Judy & some of the others in thyroid understand what that's like even if none of us get why it helps. I hate the cold, but it does make me feel emotionally better. Something to do with hormones or something. I'm not sure.
I just feel so awful. I'm trying to see if I can find anyone who knows anything about
the Neurendocrinology lab at U Chicago. They help figure out a whole plan for people with endocrinology probs (like thyroid disorders) -- eating schedules, nutrition, vitamins, thyroid meds, sleep schedules, plus they try out sleeping meds & psych meds if needed (though they make it sound like those are a last resort, which I am glad because hypothyroidism & psych meds don't always mix so well). It sounds like it is run more like a long-term sleep lab, than like a psych ward & that would make me very, very happy. You get your own room (safety) & it sounds like you can sign yourself out AMA if need be.
I'm just so terrified right now. Maybe I don't make a lot of sense. I haven't been sleeping that great. and I thought my pain specialist was wanting to lock me up or kill me & so I stopped taking my pain meds (pain + withdrawal= :(
I don't know what else to try. I don't understand why that stupid counselor wouldn't even TRY to help me unless I was on meds. I even agreed to go ask my PCP for psych meds (which was really hard for me to do). But when I asked she said she wasn't ready to do that yet. She wanted to adjust my thyroid meds, wait 6 weeks, re-test & if it came back normal she would put me on either anti-anxiety or anti-depressant meds or both. She's pretty much the only person I trust right now.
My idiot best friend went out & got herself addicted to crack. So she's not much use right now because she will almost always pick crack over me (which sucks, b/c she's my best friend & I want to help her, but I'm drowning in my own probs right now). I tried talking to someone at my church on Sunday, but I felt like everyone was watching me. I think that probably wasn't true. Maybe one or two people were because I was crying (not outloud, just tears), but I think probably most of them weren't really watching me, but it felt like it, so I didn't talk with anyone. My family & I mostly don't really get along. Talking with anyone other than my little sis makes things worse -- it always has. I feel bad talking to my sister, but we had dinner a week ago & I do like spending time with her even though she lives like a hour and a half away.
I've been thinking about
calling a few friends from college. We usually get together every month. Probably they would be good at helping me. That was a pretty good idea, thanks.
I'm also going to try to get back in to seem my pain doc. He told me I could come back any time. Having to deal with depression/anxiety/paranoia/thyroid issues PLUS chronic pain is just way too much to manage (I'm sure you can relate to at least the depression+CP part of that). I feel bad going to see him again before I am better, but I don't think I will be able to focus on getting my thoughts straight until the pain is back under control.
ugghhhh... so many issues. when will it all end???
Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 11/3/2009 10:55:32 PM (GMT-7)