Its been just coming on to 2 years that I found out I has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. When I found out, I felt abnormal. I felt like I wasn't human almost. My gynocologist at the time was explaining to me things I needed to know. I felt like I had fallen off a cliff and into a pit of swords.
When she told me these words exactly, I felt even worse. "Ashleigh, the odds of you ever mothering your own child are quite slim. However it is NOT impossible." It has been my lifelong dream to be a mother. To get the opportunity to be a biological parent someday. My fiance and I have been together just over a year, and there has been some talk about
children. As I have explained to him my condition, I try to make him understand that there is a chance I will never be able to bare him a child. He is understanding, and tells me that I will, and anything he can do to make it happen, he will. Sweet, I know. I am thankful for such an understanding man.
However, I cannot seem to deal with this fact. You know how you have those "gut" feelings, and most of the time we are pretty accurate in our "gut" feelings..? Well I have this gut feeling that I will never be able to have a child of my own.
I have the excess hair growth, I am slightly overweight, but not by too much at all, I haven't had a single spot of blood in over 8 months now, I am not currently taking birth control, and I have ovarian cysts. I just turned 20, and I found out right after I turned 18. I was still under my parent's insurance at the time, so unexpectedly, I went in for a PAP and came out with the knowledge of this new and confusing condition I was diagnosed with. I went into our local grocery store lastnight and checked my blood pressure, and I came to the realization that I have hypertension and prehypertension levels. Not good, right? I'm just scared. I can't find any support groups for helping me better understand this thing. I do not have medical insurance anymore because I only work a part time job while trying to go to beauty school! I just need to know what to do. I am so depressed, sad, angry, and hurt. I try to keep myself busy so as to not sulk in my everyday life. I have a fiance to think about
. I have to make him feel like I am okay and like things will be alright, but I feel as if they won't. I don't have the insurance, nor the money to see doctors to even ask questions. Now days, it will cost me an arm and a leg just to make an appointment to speak to someone with a degree.
I'm just so discouraged. Things seem to be taking a toll on me.
I need to find people who understand and who can help me understand all of this. I figured, who better than women out there who are dealing with the exact same thing I am..?
So here I am.
Thanks for reading :)