Depression has taken over my life. The feelings started two weeks ago and have been getting worse.
I have dealt with depression before, most recently in 2006 after #2 was born. It was bad. I couldn't leave the house or have visitors. I could only be around DH and parents. This lasted 8 weeks before my medication kicked in.
I went back to work and life was great. I have had episodes of anxiety, but the depression has not been an issue since 2006.
I don't know if I can describe this feeling, but I need to type this out so I can take it to my doctor. Sometimes when I am in his office I clam up and forget what to say.
It feels like every task takes a monumental effort. Putting on my make up to get ready for work makes my limbs feel like they weigh a million pounds. Choosing my wardrobe confuses me.
I love my work. But when I'm there I have been just sitting at my desk. I am hardly functioning. I can't bear to answer the phone, and returning emails and working on projects is overwhelming. Work is something I like. This isn't normal. My mom invited me to lunch today (I love her) but I couldn't get out of my office because I was stuck in my chair.
I love coming home and taking care of my house. It makes me feel so good to clean, laundry, do floors, change sheets. I can't do it. I have been looking at a folded pile of laundry on the kitchen table for two weeks and I can't put it away. The washer and dryer are free and I can't start or finish a load.
Husband has to take care of the girls because they overwhelm me with their demands. I love them. What's the deal? I have to get better so that they don't have horrible memories of their mother holed up in the bed bawling. I never cry. Something is wrong. But there are no external stresses on me. I'm well cared for, have a good job, and a supportive family.
Right now I take 20mg of Lexapro per day and I'm Rx'd 1mg of Xanax 2x a day (I don't take it that often).
I'm sorry for the pitiful whine. I don't deserve to be *****ing- many people don't have the family system that I do and I know it's a blessing. My mom took my kids for an hour tonight. I got in bed with DH and he just hugged me really tight.
I have to claw my way out of this. I can't sit at home and cry, I don't want to.
Thanks for letting me put this here. I have to put it into words so I can share it with my doctor.
Lexapro has pooped out on me before, and I went to Effexor and back to Lexapro. What do I try next?
Any thoughts or support would be appreciated.
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Holly- GAD, Migraines, TMJ disorder, Thyroid Disease
75 mg Effexor XR, 1mg Xanax PRN, Maxalt, Phenegran, Levothyroxine
Working Mommy to Chandler & Kennedi