I have been on edge SO much lately. I got my clonazopam filled on Monday and I took it on Monday.. and again on Wednesday. Im supposed to take it as needed and so I have been. I only have a limited amount of there, but I am having more episodes than ever before. I am always stressed to the maximum. I cant stop shaking, and whenever I sit down I am shaking both of my legs really fast constantly. Or I am playing with my fingers.
Im on edge. And Im anxious about a lot of things. School has been really hard for me and it is only getting worse.
For those of you who know the story about my friend who is pregnant, we found out today that its a boy. And she and the "suspected" father are upset because they wanted a girl. This means I will be caring for the baby the majority of the time. I dont mind, I am so attached and I love this baby so much already. She told me she was pregnant on my birthday. And I have prayed for a little boy and my prayers were answered. I cant stop looking at his pictures I have because there is just such a huge bond-like thing going on. I just want to hold his pictures and look at him.
I dont know why I feel this strongly about him. He is not mine, not biologically at least... but in a different way I feel like he IS mine. And I feel like I am the only person who loves him and wants him.
I really dont want to talk about it much because I cant allow myself to get my hopes up and be crushed in the end. Im so attached but it could turn out where I never see him or anything... and that would crush me so... I just cant even talk it at all... I have to hold all of this in because its not my place to say anything ya know. I have no right to say anything to them about him or anything like that... even though I really want too..which is SO hard.
Anyways, I just cant talk about it right now... Im so upset about everything that is going on. Things in my life dont seem to fall into the right place.. Everything is complicated.... I just want everything to work out and it never seems that will happen. Im so anxious and on edge and I dont know what to do.... I cant just take the medicine because I only have a certain amount...but at the same time, I need it...
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 50mg (Sept 09)-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder"Cracks
in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
"Sometimes it is best to
what you feel
what you deserve