Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here, but I've read through a couple posts and it's great to see the kind and caring words you're sharing :)
Where to begin. Well. Depression runs in my family. Every female on my mother's side of the family has it. I thought that it was normal to be emotional, angry, sad, etc in high school. Just puberty, just hormones. Well now I'm 19 and I am getting worse. I went to see a psychiatrist a few months ago who did diagnose me with depression and put me on an antidepressant. It turned my emotions off. I hated how it made me feel, so I stopped taking it. I don't have health insurance
so now I can't go to see a doctor until I get a new job that can offer it. I've tried everything under the sun and just can't seem to feel normal.
There's nothing terribly wrong with my life...I have a lot of debt but I know that I can pay it all off. My relationship with my parents in strained, but who has a perfect relationship with their parents? I have a great boyfriend, a decent job, a car, a roof over my head...I wish that I could just cheer the heck up already. But I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm always feeling sad and hopeless. My anxiety keeps me from being around people or going to work. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my job because I keep calling in. I feel like an awful person who keeps making stupid mistakes and continues to fail. I am unsuccessful. I hate myself.
I've tried exercise, changing my eating patterns, talking to friends, but nothing helps. No matter how much I exercise, I still hate my body. I feel bad talking to people about
my emotions because I feel like I don't have a real reason to complain, even though this depression is taking over my mind and making me hate the person that I have become. I contemplate on a weekly basis because I'm just not sure that I can take this feeling anymore.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? So sad and hopeless even though there's no one reason for it? I feel like I'm whining about
nothing because there's nothing that bad going on in my life. I just feel so weak and alone. It would be nice to know if there are other people out there who feel like this.
Thank you for any responses.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/8/2009 9:02:16 AM (GMT-7)