Nowhere to turn

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 151
   Posted 11/12/2009 2:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't really know where to start.  I feel stuck in the middle of a vicious cycle.  I don't feel that I have anyone to talk to.  Here is my situation.  My dad is 81.  He is most likely in the early stages of dementia but still lives in his home and drives.  My sister lives about 5 hours away.  We talk on the phone several times a day.  My dad has had 3 minor heart attacks since July.  The last one was in Oct.  We want to get  him into independent living but he is stubborn.  My sister feels bad that she isn't here.  I have been staying with my dad on and off (more on than off) since June.  I live and work about 30 miles away.  I manage an apt. complex.  The owners have been very understanding thru all of this but I think that is changing.  I work 6 hours a day M-F and 3 hours on Saturday's.  I was over to their house tonite.  It was not a good evening.  I am working, helping my dad out, taking him to dr. appts. ect.  I have felt very stressed and have been depressed.  When I first went over there, only he was there.  He got all over me about some things.  I do not need that.  At the moment we have 12 vacancies out of 83 apts.  It is a bad time of the year.  He started asking me questions as to when maintenance is on site.  He asked about Sat. and then about Sun.  He asked me if I was out there on Sundays.  He made a comment about the fact that I may have to start working on Sundays.  I am the only one in the office.  She (managing partner) says that dad can't stay in his house alone and needs home health.  He does have someone who comes in every so often.  She told me not to let my sister put all the burden on me.  She isn't.  She does not live here but comes when she can.  We think dad needs to be in a retirement facility so he does not have the house to upkeep, and yard work.  I can't talk to my sister about this because I do not want to upset her.  My boss said someone needs to take him to his dr. appts.  I make all the appts. in the mornings.  I need to go because dad does not remember things at times.  I asked to be off the Fri. and Sat. after Thanksgiving.  She already approved it, but I am waiting for one of them to tell me we can't be closed down.  We are going to my sisters for Thanksgiving.  I really appreciate my bosses treating me as part of the family and everything they have done for me.  I have job security.  I love them dearly, but they are very overly critical (esp. him).  They have their thoughts and opinions on how things should be done in every instance.  I really feel like I am trapped between a rock and a hard place.  I can't please everyone all the time.  I am doing what I feel is best.  I just do not need any extra stress.
Thanks for listening.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 11/12/2009 11:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I hate to say it, but it might be time for your dad to go into a retirement home.  Do you think he will be happy about that?  He does need help, and you do have to work.  Beign that your sister is so far away, she can't be much help.  So I would talk to her about it.  I know that you feel bad, but there comes a time when we have to make these decisions.  Think about it.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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