I know that feeling that you are talking about, I get it when I am trying not to cry. Maybe you should allow yourself to let it all out. Go somewhere by yourself and just let go. That is if that is what you need to do.
Maybe instead of running, you could try walking a little. It doesn't have to be a lot. But it seems to help me get motivated. Usually after I walk, I find I have more energy and initiative to do more. I know how hard it is though when you are feeling depressed. But if you go just a little it might make way for more things to come.
Have you been to your doctor lately? Does he/she know what you are going through? It sounds like you could use some help in this situation. Are you seeing a counselor? Or somebody who could help you make these decisions?
I am glad that you are back on the forum. I always enjoy reading your posts. It is good to come here and let things out. We all understand how you are feeling. It isn't easy being depressed. It is a huge struggle especially when you are working and going to school. I hope that you are able to sort these things out. We will try to help you.
Take care, keep posting.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies