First time I've initiated a thread. Will keep it simple.
I've been walking on eggshells around my wife for 20 years. Not to demonize her, but when I first heard the word "rageaholic," I thought, yeah, that's it. She's much better lately, but still has some terrible episodes of depression.
They're characterized by her withdrawing and then turning on me. Though she's a wonderful, giving woman, when in this phase, she'll say any vile thing that comes into her head with no concerns over having to walk it back later. My biggest priority with her is being careful not to say or do anything to set her off, to let the sleeping dog of her rage lie.
Worse, in some ways, she doesn't believe in talking. If it comes from me, it's automatically to be discounted. Basically, she acts like we're only in a marriage of convenience (because of finances and raising a somewhat developmentally delayed teenager). My love for her flags, also because she seldom takes advantage of my ability to listen, which I've always assiduously cultivated.
To make a long story short, in some ways, I'm no dream husband (tend to be too involved in my own projects). But, while I'm not a Christian, the phrase "purpose-driven life" describes me to a T. Meanwhile, even when my wife's at her best, there's always this slight undercurrent of depression, ennui, whatever you want to call it (lots of Scrabble, etc., on the computer). Yes, she's used medication at times and would probably use it again, but only if she felt it necessary.
Why am I writing? I guess I'd like contributors to HealingWell's forum to: 1. Urge me to stop being such a coward and stand up to her. 2. Urge me to spend more time with her just hanging out (very hard for me; I'm active to a fault). 3. Tell me that one day she'll stop blaming me for her problems.