Being true to myself is what gets me in trouble, I just can't "not" be authentic and honest.
The recent story is too much to bring up as it's a big trigger. (By the way, I deleted the post from the other site as their new system doesn't work).
I am close to being evicted (I will fight back as an unemployed legal secretary (for 23 years) and have half the forms filled out, including the fee waiver as I'm broke and have to do this In Pro Per. I have 2 lawyer friends, 1 in L.A. (very aggressive) and one in San Francisco (very empathic and calm). It's just that since I've been threated with eviction (because I said, after repeatedly telling them that 1 of their cats is close to death and another has some serious oral issues, most likely cancer by now), and said I woudl take them in, barter my own stuff (because she refuses to vet care her animals until it's way too late - experience) to take 2 of their cats in while I was to pet-sit while they were on vacation. I stated I was going to call the HSUS (Humane Society of the United States) just to see if this is okay to do. (I was set to pet-sit that weekend).
They both took this as a threat (supposedly) and immediately "sealed" me out of their part of the house where I was supposed to have full access to in order to let the dogs out whenever during the day while they were at work and make sure they had food and water (where often they would leave for work and the dogs had no food, no water - 2 of them definitely because they were locked in separate rooms. Cats are all indoors (like mine). They lost one cat since I've been here to kidney failure (he's saying now heart problems like the mother of this cat, but I was there), and I warned them each time I woudl pet-sit before I moved in that "Romeo" was way too thin, dehydrated, needed immediate vet care which they said they would do. Next pet-sitting, I noticed and said the same thing, same response. 3rd or 4th time, (about 6 months or more down the road) they took Romeo to the vet. He was on a fluid drip for 3 days and then died from kidney failure). They had a dog, Simon, I LOVED that dog, who suddenly started becoming very aggressive. I told them aggression was very often a sign of pain and illness and he needed to go to the vet. Instead of taking him to a vet, they banned him to the cold garage (where I live now, except it's converted). So when I pet-sat, I would spend a lot of time on the mattress and comfortor I had and brought for him (Simon) and just lay next to him and talk with him. He was so whimpery. Finally he started vomiting severely w/foam (no rabies, no), and was so weak and missed his other dog friends that they wouldn't allow him to see that the landlord finally "heard" me, they took him in and, yup, he had leukemia. Was in total pain that entire time he was being punished.
Anyways, there's a lot more to this story - a lot of lies, threats, coersion, power-over stuff. This just happens to be my current trigger and I am affected every second of every day and feel scared and like my cats are going to be taken away (my family and truly only reason for living).
As soon as I can get out of here I will, but I don't think they're going to allow me to stay that long.
I truly believe I was locked out of the house (because I was supposed to have access to laundry, too, as part of the deal, and that is sealed off, too - but it's next to the kitty litter room which they do not scoop every day -they only have 3 smaller litter boxes and put very little litter in there, the one cat has had Giardia for years, but she said blatantly this cat will never go to the vet, I offered many times to take her), but this cat walks around with poop all over the back legs - they don't even clean it off, they rarely clean her gooby eyes (severe herpes and she's almost completely blind now and the goob is bloody red and black. She cleans on rare occasion with dry tissues, I would soak with slightly warmed cotton balls and work out the entire goops and black stains, very gently as this cat deserved.
ACK! They let their animals suffer. They have certificates for being animal advocates because all of their animals came from the shelter, they give money to shelters, she's started a cool program at a shelter - they've done good in that way and have aaaaaaaaall the notariety vis-a-vis newspaper articles, certificates framed all over their walls, yet when you walk into the real part of their house, it smells of sickness, poop on floors, they punish the poor Basset House for "speaking" by sending him outdoors, and leave him there. (When I would pet sit and try to get them all to calm down from barking, the basset hound would just automatically walk towards the door. SO saddened by this. I wouldn't send her out, I would give her a big hug and lovins'. Those animals crooned for me when they sealed me out a few weeks ago, now when they see me through the bathroom window, they just look at me like I've hurt them and abandoned them, and I haven't. That was their parents' choice.
There is SO much more to this. Landlord (radio show host) is a crazy-maker sociopath (you know, the charming type that is really good at lying AND using power-over threats to get what he wants, intent is never what you think it is); she is in total denial of her neglect of her cats (he, too, of how he treats his dogs, although she is much worse).
I have no money - this is my problem. No money, no income - December and January rent (but think I will be served before then, not sure) - I never, ever would have moved here if I thought they would turn on me on a dime. They said I was family all the time; they've "adopted me", they would "never kick me out" (it's an issue of mine because my mom always, always kicked me out when I was young), and so now this... and more, just need to give fluids to my hypercalcemic cat now before the fluids cool off too much.
I hope someone can muddle through this and just offer support.
This is why I came here.