I feel like I keep screwing this up and that I am a horrible person...

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/27/2009 4:38 PM (GMT -6)   
It's a long story but I'll try to make it short. I've made a friend almost a year ago, things quickly turned into more than friendship. Then his ex-girlfriend came back into the picture. She didn't want to take away from what I had going on with this guy. He said that he could love us both without any trouble. Things were good until I told him something that was a little bit of a lie, things crumbled apart but him and I were able to work past it but I lost the friendship of this other lady. Now she hates me, doesn't even want me near them. However me and this guy was still talking online. The friendship with this lady had fallen apart after I told him something that she had said to me.. I was just worried about her. She is dealing with a serious illness on top of everything and when I was talking with her things didn't sound good and I felt like I was being stuck in the middle of everything. So I told him that and that when the serious downfall started was once I screwed things up with her. She wanted him to have nothing to do with me.. However I'm doing work for him stilland talking with him... Things had there rough spot but they were going good. Then yesterday I was talking to him, lost my net. I didn't know he had gone to bed and she had signed on to his im account. I sent him a message about having this file done. I didn't even know it was her until he told me. Now things are falling apart even more, she is threatening to leave him and she is carrying his unborn baby.. He said to me it was like I wanted them split up, to have them be over. Then he signed off. I left a message to him. But all this mess has me feeling like I am some kind of horrible person. Like I keep screwing things up. I'm afraid, I am going to lose this person that I love and care about, that is a great friend to me. I'm scared of what I caused, I know how important that little unborn one is to him and how long he has waited for a child.. I couldn't sleep last night because I was up blaming myself for all that has happened, couldn't stop thinking about what I should say when I got the chance. Now that I said something to him, I feel like I just made things worse. I just don't know what to do anymore, I have shed so many tears over this, it feels like my heart is being ripped out..

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 11/27/2009 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kamtos,
Welcome to HealingWell.  And to the depression forum.  I don't know if what you are describing as depression, but it sure seems that you feel that you have gotten yourself in a pickle. 
First of all, if he loves that soon to be baby and his girlfriend, not much you can say or do will split them up.  Though we don't know what you actually said.  If he is a good person and unselfish, he will do whatever is right for the baby and the situation.  So stop feeling guilty about it.
Secondly, we all make mistakes, this is a part of learning and growing up.  Just don't get into anybody elses business and tell lies anymore.  It isn't the end of the world, though I imagine that you feel like it is.  So learn from what you have done and move on.  Be a friend to both of them, not just him.  Think of the child as you are and don't repeat what you did.  Don't try to get them back together either, stay out of it.  You will be much happier that way.
I hope that this helped some.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 11/30/2009 3:08 AM (GMT -6)   
karen makes good sense. i can see that you were trying hard to keep the boat by rocking. sorry, but a guy can't love two, in a romantic way, in my book. hoping you feel better soon. ps, as a bloke i do not like this manipulation that some men do. jamie.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 12/1/2009 12:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW! I agree that there probably isn't too much you could say or do that would split the two of them up. Sometimes, even without meaning to, we end up saying something that really hurts our close friends. If you're sorry, say so. And ask how you can make things right.

I've learned the hard way as well not to say anything negative about others. I used to think that the best words when someone was broken up was to say that that person was not a good person. I've learned to just avoid saying anything at all about the ex & to instead just focus my words on how sorry I am to see my friend so sad & torn apart.

wishing you well,
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