Depression distancing our relationship

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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/10/2009 12:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone, newbie here. I was having an "episode" and decided to try posting on a forum for help for the first time. I have been suffering from depression for several years and I am currently on medication. Most of the time things are under control, but every once in a while something will set me off and things will come crashing down. Right now, I'm trying to hold back the wall. Most times nothing is really wrong, the depression just attaches itself to things as it finds them. But this time, there are some issues that have been building and something was triggered this evening.

A lot of my issues involve my husband. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy and I know it's tough to deal with my depression crap, but after 7 years of marriage I'm starting to feel lonely. I feel like I have to be guarded about what I say or try my best not to be depressed or upset about stuff. What I mean is that I feel like I have to watch how much "complaining" I do around him (I'm actually a pretty positive person most of the time, and "complaining" to him means even saying stuff like "I stubbed my toe and it really hurts" or "Ugh, I'm feeling kind of sick today" or "Wow I had a long day". Things that I don't even realize I say sometimes. I think that I am just talking and telling him about stuff that is happening.) like there is a maximum limit. And the maximum limit seems to be pretty low, as I make sure not to repeat the same things over and over and I'm not a super talkative person, but it's still too much for him to hear.

What makes me feel even worse is that, if he is ever feeling down (he does not suffer from depression, just talking general blues), I am right there to hear every complaint or worry that he has. I am patient and reassuring, I stop what I am doing and comfort him when he needs it (and I don't act like it's an inconvenience b/c I don't feel like it is), and I am there until he feels better and doesn't need my help anymore. If I am upset or sad, he is instantly irritated. Wants to know what the problem is so he can fix it or I should just suck it up and get over it. He feels very inconvenienced and wants me to hurry up and get happy so he can get back to what he is doing. It's true, I get the blues way more often that he does, but not everyday. It happens once every 2 weeks to 1month or longer.

So, in the end, I feel like one huge, annoying, walking inconvenience. I feel like I need to talk to someone about how I feel, and I feel like I should be able to share my feelings with my husband, but he just doesn't understand and maybe doesn't care. He says that in his family, people don't share their feelings. They just put on a happy face and keep on. Of course, none of them suffer from depression, and from some comments I have heard them make, have no empathy at all for those that do. I love him, but sometimes I start to think that I might be better off sad by myself than sad with him. I know he does try from time to time and he does love me very much, but I still feel alone.
*Sorry for the HUGE post*

Post Edited (littlebee) : 12/9/2009 10:25:19 PM (GMT-7)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 12/10/2009 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Littlebee,
You are such a sweet person.  I think that you are kind of blue.  My family wasn't much for sharing feelings either.  But that doens't mean that you don't have them.  Continue to be there for your husband.  That is just the kind of person that you are.  You will feel good about it.  I know that it is hard when you need that kind of compassion.  You will get that here.  The members here are so kind and caring.  So come here when you need comfort.
We are always there for you.
Best wishes my friend, and welcome to the site!
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 12/10/2009 7:51 PM (GMT -6)   
  1. depression sucks.
  2. people who have not experienced depression have a hard time getting it!
  3. take care of you-
  4. maybe a chat with your dr.?
  5. we are here for you, we understand depression, so keep posting.
  6. my compassion to you. you have been battling hard, maybe time for you to seek some assistance to help reduce this battle a tad.
  7. all the best, jamie


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