I havent been on at all lately. I hav kept in contact with a few people, but I have been so stressed with school and everything that I havent had time to get on here so...
A small update: Im still going to therapy and the other night I was next door at the hospital with a friend and felt the anxiety so I walked over to my therapists office and we talked and things were better. (I have finals next week so I havnt been able to plan out the work and studying etc)..
She gave me a few options as I have gotten worse lately. 1) I can go to group and basically continue on this path(no) 2)I can skip a semester of school (cant or I wont have insurance) 3)I can move out of my house and in with a friend or family member in order to relieve my home stress (my choice) 4)be admitted (no, because its an hour away and I would be there 2 weeks over the holidays)
So, today, I will have to choose my plan of action because I cant stay on this path no longer. She said if I slipped even once that was it and I was going to be forced to be admitted. I dont want that. I want to try staying away from home. She says I have too much stress and I need to relieve some of it because Im getting close to the line of a major breakdown/psych ward for a long time experience. My list of most stressful is School and then Home. I cant do anything about school so my option is to relieve stress at home.
Im hoping to find someone I can stay with. Also, for next semester I am applying with the Student Disability Support dept at school so I can have accomodations like extended times or missed classes and such... Luckily, my therapist knows the directors of that so hopefully we can all work together and school wont have to be as hard on me. At least thats the plan.
I have been praying a lot lately. More than ever actually and I really want to turn things around. I dont want anything bad to happen and I dont want the experience of being in the hospital. She really made me see how serious this all was the other day and so... I really want to try.
Also, I quit taking the trazodone because I was not able to wake up in the morning so I missed school and everything. I would simply sleep and nothing could wake me up. Also, they added Wellbutrin 150mg. And they increased my klonopin. The pdoc now thinks I have I have some type of bipolar because the last few sessions my therapist has learned alot of serious things about me and the pdoc thinks Im finally starting to break down and thats what he thought the whole time. He said I should be on an antidepressant, but it wont do much good without a mood stabilizer so... we'll see.
Wish me luck. Im really worried, but I hope I can make a plan and turn things around. I have finals next week and then I will have a month off from school so that will help some also while I am being stablized.
I pray that all of you on here are doing well and I just want to say that even though sometimes there is no light at the end.... maybe you just need to turn a corne... or a few... but like a maze you will find your way out.
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects), Rozerem, Melatonin, Currently taking: Prozac 40mg (July 09), Trazadone 100mg (Sept 09), Focalin XR 5mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Wellburtin XL 150mg-Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorder, ADHD, Dysthymic Disorder, OCD"Cracks
in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
"Sometimes it is best to
what you feel
what you deserve