Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. I am so glad that you have joined us. It sounds something like depersonalization. I would talk to a counselor about this. As you want to feel things, good and bad.
You seem to be doing a very good job of putting on that happy face, this comes with practice I guess. After doing it so many times, it becomes easy. But I know that is not how you want to be. So talking to a counselor would help you sort your feelings out and really learn how to feel things. So I hope that you do that. I can see where you would be concerned at this point. We all want to feel something.
Please see a counselor. And please keep posting. As we are all here to support you.
Best wishes for a better day.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies