I came here to talk to someone, anyone, about how I've been feeling for the past couple of years now. I have known for a while that I am very emotionless, but the more I think about it, the longer I can trace it back, more than 3 years now. I just feel empty inside, and I have no reason to be. I have a good boyfriend, parents that love me, i'm going to a good university and I have many friends but I still feel this way. I can only describe it has not really caring about anything except for the fact that I cannot care. I think I love my boyfriend sometimes, to the best that I can, but I feel like a horrible girlfriend since I can't match his feelings. I recently discovered that I am probably bisexual, which I am completely fine with, but it brings me back to the point that I won;t even be able to feel for anyone anyway. Every moment doesn't seem to really register to me, like something really special will happen or something exiting and it will seem like it happened a year ago when only a minute has passed. I care about school, but again, only to the point that I maintain my grades, not really enjoying any of it. I don't even think I any real emotions at all. I'll feel angry one in a blue moon, but i'll pass like I didn't feel it at all. Same with all my other emotions. I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do about it. My childhood could be to blame, I didn't really have the a good one, but even then, why is it still affecting me even now. Evan as I'm writing this, I'm feeling nothing, just blindly typing out my thoughts while correcting my grammar. I thought to go to a therapist or psychiatrist, but I don't even think I could describe anything to them. I put on a happy face everyday, laugh with my friends when I need to and pretend to care when they have troubles, even when I truly do care but I can't bring myself to really feel that way. I'm just going with the flow in everything I do. I can't even feel depressed properly. I thought initially that's what it was, I was just depressed and counseling and medication would help, but looking at the symptoms, I sleep fine, I rarely have a loss of appetite, and i don't feel bad about myself, just normal low adolescent self-esteem, and this has been going on for years, it's not on and off, nor is it caused by anything specific. I just feel completely empty, all the time.
Sorry for the long post, I just really needed to talk to someone to figure out what is wrong with me.