Extremely Unhappy

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Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/19/2009 3:51 PM (GMT -6)   
 I have been extremely unhappy for a very long time and I do not know what I should do about it. I am married and I have two beautiful children, a son who just turned two this month, and a daughter who will be one next month.  MY husband and I have been together for four years and married for two. I jus turned twenty one in september and I cant help but think that I might have rushed into things without really thinking. I am often very sad and I dont really know what to do about that.  I dont want to say that I am depressed, beause I know what is causing this sadness, but I am just afraid of what I should do about it.  My Husband is not the perfect man, however if there is one thing that he does do right it is taking care of me and our two kids.
For a while know I have not felt happy with him and as a result I have become very sad and confussed about what it is that I want. When I try to talk to people they just tell me that I am indeed depressed and that I just need medication. But my whole things is I know what the problem is, so to me that would just be like putting a wet bandaid on an open cut. Ouch. Fixed for about a second.   I love my husband, but theses are the words that I have been dreading to say for a while. I am not in love with him anymore. It hurts me to say that but I know that deep down that is what the issue is. I dont want him to touch me and I dont want to be near him. I have recently been spending time with another man and it shocked me to realizze that I felt more from him in less then a week then I have ever felt in four years with my husband.  Is that a selfish thing to say?  Do i need to just forget about my happyness for the sake of my family or do I do the un thinkable and leave? Then the scary questions come; where will i go? what will I do? What about the kids? Then I feel like screaming. I go round and round with these thoughts everyday and it seem like everyday I get more and more depressed, it becomes harder to get out of bed in the morning. my whole body aches and if it wasnt for my babies I dont think that I woud even try to live any more.  So what do I do? Stay Suffer remain unhappy, or leave? and the worst part is I got married with the intention of staying that way but all I wanna do now is RUN FAR AWAY.  so any help at all would be appreciated.
Extremly lost, lonely hurt and CONFUSSED.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 12/19/2009 4:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Latavia,
First of all, welcome to the HealingWell depression forum.  You have come to a very good place where people will give you their honest view on things and not judge you.
The first thing that I would recommend is counseling.  Not necessarily marriage counseling, but individual counseling.  That way you will have an impartial view of things and be able to make the right decision.  You will also be able to come up with a plan for your future. 
I am not saying that what you are doing is necessarily wrong, but you should always think of your children's best interest first.  Make sure that if you do leave, that they will be well taken care of.  Whether that be with him or you. 
I am sorry that you are not in love with your husband.  But make sure that you aren't confusing lust with love.  Make sure that you aren't going with this other man because he just makes you feel good about yourself and gives you attention.  If you leave, leave for you, not for him. 
It is no fun being in an unhappy relationship.  I know that.  But remember the children, know what is best for them.  But don't sacrafice your happiness over it.  You have a lot of thinking to do.  And look at this realistically.  Are you going to be happy alone?  Are your kids going to be well taken care of?  Discuss this with a professional counselor and get the answers.  Many times the grass looks greener on the other side, and make sure that this isn't the case.  Other than not being in love with your husband, do you love him?  Is it going to be worth the hurt that you are going to cause him and your children?  Does he know how you feel?  Take it all into consideration and think this through carefully before you make a move.  Make sure you are not just infactuated with this other guy.  And like I say, when and if you leave, do it alone.  Don't put him in your plans.  Then later if you want to try a relationship with the new guy, you will be stronger.
I hope that this all works out for you.  I do not think you are a bad person for doing this.  But make sure that the situation is what is depressing you, not that the depression is causing the situation.
Best wishes for you, keep posting.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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